Taking That Leap
by manda600
Summary: The story of Barney and Robin's summer of secret love. Takes place between the end of Season 4 and the beginning of Season 5.
1. A Better Alternative

Robin asked Barney to come here today, when all the others are working and they'll have the apartment to themselves. But the temptation of it – knowing they're alone, with this _zing_ between them, remembering how good that kiss in the hospital room had felt, knowing her bedroom, with a soft roomy bed, is mere feet away – nearly gets the better of them the moment Barney walks through the door.

"Robin, I – "

And then the magnetic pull between them takes over, and his hand is on her waist as hers settles on his shoulder. He's drawing her closer and she's leaning into him when she suddenly breaks away with an, "Aggh!", running her fingers through her hair anxiously.

"This is crazy," she says, dropping down onto the couch.

"Yeah," he agrees, crossing the room to her, taking the long way around the coffee table to avoid temptation.

She looks up at him with an expression of desire laced with wariness. "We can't even be in the same room together anymore."

He nods slowly, sitting down beside her far closer than the space of the three-cushion couch requires.

His thigh presses teasingly into hers.

"We should talk about this, Barney," Robin says, trying desperately to hold on to some measure of reason while hormones and lust are quickly winning out.

She inches away enough so that their thighs are no longer touching….but now her knee is grazing his with every little movement she makes. "We should figure out what this is," she reiterates.

"Yes, we should…."

"Yeah."

"Or….or…."

And then he's lunging at her, kissing her, laying her down on the couch, his body covering hers, and it feels good, _so_ good he can hardly stand it because this is _Robin_, Robin beneath him and not some nameless bimbo he has to close his eyes and pretend is her. It's _Robin's_ soft curves pressed against him, her breasts smashed into his chest, and for a moment he loses his breath. Then instinct kicks in, the drive to have her nearly overpowering, and he can't help the deep moan that escapes him.

Her tongue touches his and he shivers – actually shivers – because this is so good, better than he's even imagined. And they go on like that for neither knows how long, their kisses growing deeper, fiercer, until he's nestling himself between her legs and she's welcoming him in, her arms around him tightening, one knee raising against the back of the couch and the other leg curling around his. He moves from her mouth to her neck, her throat, his tongue tracing the places his eyes have studied for what feels like forever, while his hand trails up her leg, her thigh, her waist.

When she arches her hips up into his, the tasting kisses turn to bites and she shudders, the fingers of one hand gripping his shoulder while the other squeeze his behind, pressing him into her. He makes a low, sexy sort of grunting noise that further spurs her on, but before she can respond he's slipping a hand between them and underneath her shirt, his fingers splaying across her belly. She doesn't know if he means to move up or down, but she's certain either direction will bring her to her knees – and before the afternoon is over she wants to experience both.

His lips trail down her chest as far as her shirt will allow – which, thanks to her fondness for plunging necklines, is pretty damn far – as his hand slides up under her shirt, going for the two-pronged approach.

"Bedroom," she gasps, and his hand, his whole body stills.

He looks down at her, lust, uncertainty and an impossibly endearing light of hope in his eyes. "Bedroom?" he pants.

"Bedroom," she nods.

In an instant, Barney's off the couch with Robin still in his arms; there's no way he's letting go and risking she'll change her mind. But she's steering him – _pulling him_ – towards her bedroom, lips attacking his, and he realizes there's no chance of that happening.

He's about to get his wish. He's about to make love to Robin Scherbatsky. And he's going to go all out. He's been saving up a lot of fantasies over the past year. This is going to be one for the record books.

Multiple orgasms later, they're lying side by side, panting, and it's every bit as mind-blowing as they'd hoped – more so even.

After catching her breath enough to regain speech, she shifts up onto her elbow, suggesting once again that they talk about this, figure this thing out between them.

But by the way she's looking at him, the way she's rubbing her hand across his chest, her naughty, extraordinarily nimble fingers (hadn't he just found that out in spades!) teasing his nipple, he knows she has something else in mind and so does he.

Talking will just have to wait when there's a far, far better alternative.

"Or…..or…."

And Round Two was so on.


	2. It Begins

They're still on her bedroom floor where they'd fallen forty-five minutes ago.

Sex on the ground had never been very comfortable but somehow, with Barney, Robin didn't seem to mind. Besides, neither one of them could bear to stop until they'd climbed back up into bed.

Now their breaths and their bodies have recovered, but still they lie there. His lips are trailing down her neck. His hips are pressing hers to the carpet and it feels like Round Three is fast approaching, but she's not complaining. Every man should make love like Barney Stinson – or at least the way he makes love to her.

He moves just right against her and she lets out a low moan. He grins lecherously down at her in response. Then his mouth is on her chest and it's just starting to get interesting when she hears the sound of the front door opening, followed by Ted's voice.

They freeze for an instant, then there's a flurry of moment. They gather up articles of clothing and Barney's dressed so fast it attests to how practiced such quick getaways are for him. He's halfway to the fire escape when he turns back to look at her, just as she's shrugging into her robe. Before Robin has the chance to belt it, she watches his eyes trail down then back up her naked body.

She's not quite sure how he manages it, but in an instant he's back across the room and she's in his arms. The look of indecision is plain on his face; she can she that he's clearly torn.

"It's alright," she whispers. "Go." When he still fails to move, she gives him a gentle little push toward the open window. "It's fine…..We're fine."

She sees him absorb the statement, then he nods and his arms slip from around her. He has one leg hoisted over the window when he reaches back in and pulls her to him, their lips connecting. The slow, sensual slide of his tongue over hers tells her they are far from done. It's an awfully good thing they're both so great at keeping secrets, because this time _definitely_ happened.

Barney's exit comes in the nick time. Just as he's out the window, she hears Ted approaching. "Robin, are you home? I heard a noise. Are you in there?"

"I'm here, Ted," she calls back, popping out of her bedroom perhaps a little too quickly. Noting that the sheets are strewn on the floor, having fallen off the bed along with them, she hastily closes the door behind her.

Ted takes in her disheveled appearance – the haphazardly knotted robe, her bare legs and feet, her mussed hair – and can't resist commenting. "Awfully strange time of day for a nap…..if that _is_ what you were doing."

There's just a half second of panic before she coolly replies, "Please, Ted. Since when have I hidden men in my bedroom? I've never been ashamed of my love life. You guys know everything."

"True," he concedes, sounding mostly convinced.

"I had a headache," she explains. "I was hoping to sleep it off."

"Oh, I'm sorry. You want some aspirin?"

"No, I'm good. It's mostly gone now."

Ted nods and is about to walk away when he stops, a strange look on his face as he sniffs the air around her.

"Was Barney here? I smell his cologne."

It's only years' worth of being awesome that keeps the color off her cheeks. "I don't know. I guess he could've been while I was sleeping," she shrugs.

Ted shakes his head. "I swear, if he's bringing his skanks back to the apartment again….."

"Maybe _all_ his women aren't skanks," she says, and it sounds a tad defensive even to her own ears.

Thankfully, Ted doesn't seem to catch it. "Come on, if a woman's getting down and dirty with Barney Stinson, the king of the one-night stand, there's got to be some skankiness in her somewhere."

Robin forces a laugh. "Yeah, I guess so." _Mental note not to tell Ted_. At least they'd made it all the way to her bedroom before clothes starting coming off. It would've been hard to explain a pair of panties on the living room floor.

Ted goes to make himself a sandwich, still blessedly unaware, and she breathes a sigh of relief. However, in that breath, she realizes Ted is right. You _can_ smell Barney's cologne on her – and it's no wonder; there's not a single space on her body he hasn't rubbed across.

"I think I'm just gonna go grab a shower," she says. "Maybe it'll steam away the rest of this headache."

"Okay," Ted calls out from the kitchen.

She slips back into her bedroom for a change of clothes just in time to hear her cell phone vibrating on the nightstand with an incoming text. She picks it up, sees 'Swarley' on the screen, and smiles.

_Close call. Next time we'll have to go to my place._

And so it begins.

She picks the sheets back up off the floor and lays them across the mattress. Tilting her head to the side, she studies the bed, picturing the more memorable moments, and already she has tingles in places that lately only seem to tingle for Barney.

She feels vibration against her thigh and for a moment thinks it residual tingles until she remembers the phone in her hand.

_Robin?_

And when she doesn't immediately reply.

_Do we need to talk about this?_

She can almost hear the reluctance in his words as if he were speaking them aloud. The distaste, the terror, at having "The Talk". Because she feels it too.

She types back a message and hits sends: _Talking is overrated_.

Unfortunately the group, especially Lily, won't see it that way.

His answer comes back in an instant – a grin with a wink, that even in icon format somehow manages to look sexual. Then: _MacLaren's, 9:30._

She writes back: _We'll find an excuse to break away_.

_Sweet_, he answers. Then, after a pause, _How do you feel about whipped cream? _

She smirks as she types, _The same way you feel about handcuffs. Bring both._

This time his answer sets off vibrations of both kinds. _I always knew you liked it dirty, Scherbatsky. Wait till I introduce you to my swing._

It was a _very_ good thing they were so great at keeping secrets.


	3. Breaking The Code

They've been together for three weeks now, three weeks. And in that time they'd set some ground rules for their secret relationship – or hook-ups, or whatever this is that they're doing. Of course, there's the fundamental rule: none of their friends can ever find out. Or they'll get all mushy-gushy or judgmental, or both, and everything will get weird and likely ruin the best sex of their lives. For that reason, to ensure that the fundamental rule stays unbroken, some lesser statutes were put in place:

_(1) Invent fictitious dates/one-night-stands before discreetly excusing themselves, separately if possible;_

_(2) The apartment is a safe zone when Ted is at work, on wisdom walks, or on the rare occasion when he finds himself a bed_  
><em>partner for the night, but is strictly off-limits when Ted is at home (too risky);<em>

_(3) Try to avoid hanky-panky at MacLaren's (too many witnesses who know them). Or at the very least keep it under the_  
><em>table.<em>

So far it's just the three, but it's a work in progress, a sort of a sequel to the Bro Code – The Barney & Robin Code.

But this balmy June night marks the first time either of them has proposed a breaking of the sacred Code.

Ted had left the bar an hour and a half before because he has a meeting with the University Dean in the morning and he wants to look 'fresh-faced and well-rested'. They'd shared a laugh over that one; Ted could be such a girl sometimes.

Then, five minutes ago, Lily had whispered her latest code word to Marshall and the two of them had immediately shot out of there, leaving Barney and Robin alone, drinking scotch together on the same side of the booth.

"God, you look hot," Barney says, bending low, the words husky in her ear and his breath warm on her neck as he openly looks down the front of her shirt.

"So do you," Robin counters, letting her hand slide suggestively down his tie. "I love you in this suit."

"I know. You told me," he grins, fondly recalling that afternoon. They were lounging on his bed, after making good use of it, when she'd gotten the urge to go exploring the apartment. She'd thrown on his discarded shirt and nothing else – a look that was impossibly sexy on her – and he'd followed after her, completely in the nude cause B-man likes to be ready. It was a good thing too, because ten minutes later…. "Remember when we did it in the suit room?"

"Yeah, I do," she smiles. The room had been full of expensive fabric as far as the eye could see. It was so purely _Barney_. And when the door to the temperature-controlled room swung shut, the scent of his cologne was so heady in the air, so evocative that she could have gotten off simply rubbing herself against the nearest rack of European tailoring. Of course, with the man himself standing behind her in the flesh – _all_ in the flesh – there was no need for that.

"I've never let a woman in that room before. Who know the carpet would be so soft on my back?" he muses.

Robin shoots him a coy look, pressing closer to him in their booth. "We could go back there tonight. I could try it out, see how it feels on _my_ back this time."

"Or on my knees, your hands and knees….." Barney looks at her, his eyes heavy with lust imagining the possibilities.

His hand lands on her bare knee and she feels blood pool heavy and hot and low in her belly…..and places further south. "Come on, let's go," says, grabbing for her purse.

But he shakes his head 'no.' His hand slips beneath the hemline of her skirt. "My place is twenty-three minutes away. I can't wait that long."

With Barney's hand sliding warm against her skin, Robin gets his point – she really does – she just doesn't understand the alternative. "Where then?"

"Upstairs."

"The apartment?" she asks, in confusion. "But Ted's there."

"He's got to be asleep by now."

She looks at him, lust and logic fighting a war across her features. "No, we said we wouldn't. It's too risky."

"Come on, Scherbatsky," he coaxes, drawing out her last name warm and soft, like an endearment, in the way he knows she loves. "It'll be so badass going to town on each other with Ted right in the next room."

Her head cocks to the side thoughtfully as she considers it. "Yeah, it really would be," she says, and when she bits her lip he knows he has her. His fingers slowly creeping up her inner thigh to play at the lace edging of her panties further seal the deal. "Alright. But we have to be quiet."

From the twinkle in his eye, she wonders if she'll live to regret it, but her body is too fired up to care.

* * *

><p>Upstairs, they fumble around in the darkness – alternately kissing, alternately walking – until they reach Robin's bedroom. Barney presses her up against the door, his hand already up her shirt. Under the force of their momentum, it slams shut, the sound conspicuously loud in the otherwise quiet apartment. Robin's eyes widen, but a second later his lips came crashing back to hers and she forgets about the door – or anything else.<p>

In record time, he has her naked on the bed, the box of condoms open and within easy grabbing range on the nightstand. Setting his carefully folded pants on the footstool alongside the rest of his suit, he drops his boxers and slides down beside her, pulling her in close as his tongue teases her neck.

"You're right. This is so hot," she pants. "Ted could hear us at any time."

Barney grins at her, amused and enjoying the fact that she's getting off on the danger aspect. Then she reaches down and slaps his bare bottom hard enough to make him loudly yelp. He looks at her in surprise.

"Sometimes I kind of like to do the whole BDSM thing. I don't know." She shrugs self-consciously. "It makes some guys uncomfortable. I like it pretty hard-core, sometimes."

He makes a low choking sound in his throat. "Good Lord, Scherbatsky." He shakes his head as if trying to get a hold of himself. "Tomorrow night, we go to my place. I have handcuffs, whips, paddles, a whole box full of paraphernalia."

"Mmm," Robin sighs, wrapping her leg around Barney's hip.

He rolls her beneath him, his lips sliding down her throat. Her hand shoots down into his hair, sending a glass of water left over from the night before crashing to the ground in the process, but they both ignore it. His mouth latches onto her chest, sucking hard, and a long moan escapes her. Everything is starting to get hot and hazy and oh so good when a knock on her door interrupts them.

"Robin?" Ted calls. "Robin, are you alright in there?"

Robin looks down to Barney. It had been hot as a fantasy, true enough, but now that it's actually happening she isn't sure what to do. But he gives her a wicked grin, that naughty twinkle back in his eye. "Shhh," he whispers, his lips settling back down against her chest.

"Robin?" Ted repeats, this time trying the door and finding it locked.

She groans; she can't help it. The man is good with his mouth – and now his hands are getting into the action.

"Robin, did you hurt yourself?" Ted sounds truly alarmed now, like maybe he'll try to break down the door or something.

"Ye – yeah. I'm here," she calls back. Barney's lips are trailing down her ribcage to her stomach, and by now she has a fairly good idea of what he has in mind. She can't decide whether to be furious with him or even more turned on.

Who is she kidding? As he kisses his way from hipbone to hipbone, she knows she's loving this every bit as much as he is.

He moves his attentions lower and she shudders and whimpers; he has skills with his tongue she hadn't even known existed. She feels him chuckle against her, then he pauses to look up at her. "Shh," he admonishes again, his eyes hot, and a mischievous smile plays on his lips before he bends back to her.

"Robin…." Ted calls through the door again. And seriously, she wonders, what is the matter with him; why can't he just go back to bed? "I heard banging, and now you sound weird. Are you okay?"

Barney is working his magic, and she's biting her lip to keep from making any sounds, but it's too good and she can't take it much longer, and damn him, he knows it.

She makes a high-pitched sort of sigh because she just can't keep it in any longer, prompting Ted to ask, "Are you _sure_ you're okay?" But she ignores him because she can hardly think, can hardly breathe. "Robin?"

"Y – yes…..Oooh…._Yes_…..Uhh….YEEES!"

And then Robin is catching her breath and Barney is sliding up her body, reaching for a condom and donning it with practiced fingers. Then he's bracing himself above her and moving against her and she groans, long and low and embarrassingly loud, and Ted is just on the other side of the door asking if she's sick, and everything feels hot and tight and wrong and oh so right. And then she completely gives up her dignity and any attempt at being quiet, and just lets herself feel.

"Ro –" Ted hears her suggestive noises through the door, and understanding finally dawns. "Oh. _Oh_. O-okay. I'll just leave you alone then."

Robin vaguely registers hearing him leave, but she's too far gone to care one way or the other.

* * *

><p>When she emerges from her bedroom, Ted is in the kitchen, grabbing the container of cookies down from the top of the refrigerator. He freezes when he sees her.<p>

"Uh, about earlier," Robin begins, nervously tucking her hair behind her ears. She has no idea how he'll feel about her sleeping with Barney. She doubts he'll go postal, like he did the first time, but the very fact that he found out this way is enough to earn them both a lecture.

"Robin," Ted says in that wise, parental, I-know-better-than-you, I-already-act-like-a-dad voice he uses from time to time. "I understand."

She looks at him, confused, hardly believing it's going to be this easy. "You do?"

He nods. "And it's cool."

"It's….cool?"

"Yeah. I mean, we all know about your little gift to Lily back at her bridal shower. It just makes sense you'd get one for yourself too."

"What?"

And now he says the words a little more quietly. "A vibrator, or….whatever."

"_What_? No. I – "

"Robin, it's okay. We all need to….you know, do _that_, every once in a while. You don't have to be embarrassed."

She cocks her head to the side, considering this out. "And you know that's what I was doing?…..With a vibrator."

"Listen, I won't tell anyone if that's what you're worried about."

"Ok," she says, unable to keep the laughter from her voice. "That's…okay."

"Good?"

"Great."

Satisfied that all is well, Ted starts to leave the kitchen.

"But, Teddy Boy, just so you know – my, uh, _vibrator_ has a very, very long battery life….And I don't think I'm quite done yet."

He looks a little panicked at that, but quickly covers it. "Right. Okay. That's – ok." He retreats into the living room, taking the cookies with him. "I think I'll just watch some TV," he says, plunking down on the couch.

"Ok. Great," she smiles.

Robin walks back into her bedroom, securing the lock. A second later, the sounds of the first _Star Wars_ can be heard through the door.

"Well?" Barney asks, sitting up in bed. "What happened? Does he know?"

"Oh, he knows I was getting busy, alright." She pauses, delivering the next part carefully deadpan. "He just thinks it was with a vibrator."

"You're kidding me." Barney bursts out laughing. "That is _awesome_."

"Yeah, for you, maybe."

"Oh, come on, Robin," he says, leveling her with a look that's pure amusement and pure sex and pure Barney. "Don't act all maidenly and offended. We both know you have one."

She thinks about denying it for a half a second, but this is Barney. He'll know she's lying and will probably search her room until he finds it. "So? Shut up."

He does that thing where he crinkles up his nose and nods and sniggers. A tingle slides down her spine and she melts a little inside. Whatever power he has over her, he has it good and well. She can't stop that tingle, can't stop that melting, even if she tries – she ought to know; she'd spent months doing just that.

Then his leering turns to amused confusion. "So why is Ted turning on the TV _now_?"

Robin gives him a sly look, moving closer to the bed. "He's trying to block out the noise….." He looks at her oddly. "…..Because I told him I'm not done yet."

His eyebrow shoots up. "You little, minx," he smirks, reaching for her.

She allows herself to be pulled into his arms, bends down to kiss him. "I told him that my 'vibrator' has some amazingly impressive stamina."

"Oh, he can go all night."

"I know he can," she agrees. "I can personally attest to the fact."

Barney unties her robe, watching it fall open, and Robin slowly slides it down her shoulders and onto the floor. He throws back the covers invitingly, proving to be more than ready for her, and she climbs into bed, straddling him.

His hand instantly lands on her hip, balancing her. Then his other hand goes traveling, making her moan, and the TV suddenly gets louder in the living room. They look at each other and laugh.

"This could be fun," she says, running her hands over his abs and chest, heating them both with each stroke. She leans down slowly, inch by inch, and they both inhale sharply at the sensation of skin-to-skin, chest-to-chest.

"Mmm, Scherbatsky," he growls, pressing her to him, "you feel good." Their eyes lock for a moment, and she smiles, one he returns as automatically as breathing. "How about we make a game of it? Us versus the TV. See how long it takes us to get those little green bars filled."

Robin grins. "I'm all in. Make me scream, Barney," she whispers against his lips. She's expecting to be ravished, but instead he just looks at her, his expression soft and open. "What?"

"It's nothing…..I just….I've been waiting a really long time to hear you say that."

She laughs. " 'Make me scream'? Really? That's what does it for you?" He quirks his head unrepentantly. "I wanted to say _that_ a long time ago. I mean, that first time…it was really good."

"Yeah, it was. It was _awesome_."

"I've wanted you a lot of times since then – and before, if I'm being honest." At that, he looks pleasantly surprised. "That night you and Ted faked the fight at MacLaren's – I wanted to be _all_ over you."

Barney sucks in a breath through his teeth. "You don't know how tempted I was to run a play on you that night. But, somehow, it didn't seem right."

She kisses him then, long and deep, her fingers tunneling through his hair. "That's because you'd never take advantage of me."

"Oh, I'm about to take all kinds of advantage of you."

Robin smiles. "It's not taking advantage if I'm asking you."

His face turns to pure sex. "Are you? Are you asking for it, Robin?" Then in a softer, earnest, impossibly endearing voice, he pleads, "Say it. Please say, 'I'm asking for it'."

He's so easy; a few cheesy phrases and he's gone – but then she supposes that's what comes from watching too much porn. She shakes her head and laughs before pointing out the obvious. "I'm naked and sprawled on top of you. Barney, I'm _begging_ for it."

"In that case – " He arches his hips up into her and she gasps. Then his mouth takes hers, his tongue hot and teasing, as he flips them over, pressing her beneath him. "Let's get that volume up to max."

"Barney Stinson," she says, stretching out underneath him, "make me scream."

"I was planning on it," he winks, bending his mouth to her chest. "Just be careful not to scream my name," he says around a mouthful of Robin. "I know it's hard."

She shimmies against him. "_Yeah_, it is." He grunts, his fingers biting into her, and she smiles, pleased. "You be careful not to scream _my_ name."

"Don't worry about me, Scherbatsky. This is your performance." Proving his point, he moves just right, making her cry out – and the TV goes up further. They laugh, and then continue.

And when the headboard starts smacking against the wall, the volume on _Star Wars_ hit its maximum.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Robin meets a fully dressed Ted coming out of the bathroom.<p>

"Big night last night, huh?" he asks, a hint of sleepy sarcasm lacing his tone.

She shrugs nonchalantly.

"I was just glad when the battery wore out around 5am."

"Actually, I fell asleep first."

He scoffs, reaching for his briefcase, getting ready to head out.

"I know. It was hard for me to believe, too."

"Well, multiple – what did Barney call it – 'Oh Canada faces' will do that to you, I guess."

She gives him a look of satisfied agreement, but says nothing. There's a space of silence. Ted opens his mouth but then closes it again, and she thinks he's going to go. But then he stops, his hand poised on the knob. "You know, other than that Thanksgiving of the four times, it was never like that with us when we were dating….A less secure man might be a little jealous."

Robin's eyes shoot to her bedroom, knowing Barney is awake, waiting for Ted to leave – and likely listening at the door. "Ted –

"I mean, that's water under the bridge. I get it. I'm just curious…..What does that thing do for you that I di –

"Ted, trust me," she interrupts, knowing the last thing Barney needs is a first-hand account that she finds him a better lay than his 'best friend' – although she kind of suspects he already knows as much. "You _really_ don't want to talk about this now."

"I'm just saying…." He shakes his head thoughtfully. "That's one impressive piece of plastic. Or is it rubber?"

"Goodbye, Ted."

Twenty seconds after the door closes, she feels Barney come up behind her and wrap his arms around her waist, remarkably alert and awake for a man who's just spent the majority of the night making athletically passionate love to her…..and, from the feel of it, is apparently ready for more.

"So, Ted couldn't quite do it for you like the Barnacle, hmm?" he asks, and she can hear the smug laughter in his voice

"Barney, we are not going to play 'let's compare'."

"Too late. We already did that last week."

Robin looks over her shoulder at him. "I thought that was playing doctor."

"Same thing."

She smiles. "That was a good one."

"It was." He pulls her closer, moving a hand up to fondle her. "How about we hit the shower – together, of course – and then we do brunch?"

"Mmm….." Robin sighs hungrily, and Barney nudges them over to the bathroom, his mouth finding her neck. "…..pancakes." He looks at her sharply, semi-offended that moan was not for him. "What? I'm Canadian. I love the syrup."

He gives her a leering grin as they enter the bathroom, locking the door behind them just in case. "I'll steal us a bottle," he promises, turning her around to face him. "That guy…. that Snow Boot guy – "

"Shoe. Snow_shoe_."

"He obviously didn't explain it right." Barney has her robe off and on the counter and a millisecond later his boxers hit the floor. "A hundred dollars says I can make you love an Old King Clancy."

"Funny thing about that story…." Robin laughs, pulling him into the shower with her.

* * *

><p>AN: I gave a shout-out in this chapter to episode 6.05, to explain what it is Robin likes to do in bed that made Max so uncomfortable (which Barney refused to reveal to Marshall in the locker room).<p>

I plan on doing a chapter for each month of their secret summer together, with some extras at the end to tie it up. So this was June. There's still July, August, and two for September (cause it was a big month for them!) to go, along with an epilogue.


	4. Lunch Break

All morning long at work – prepping for today's show, during the actual broadcast, in the keynote meeting for tomorrow – Robin is distracted, preoccupied. She keeps telling herself to snap out of it. It's ridiculous, pathetic, weak. She keeps telling herself no, but she's fighting a losing battle and she knows it. Deep inside, she already knows she'll give in long before she actually picks up the phone and calls Barney at work, inviting herself to lunch.

It's like an addiction. She can't go a day without seeing him; and not just in public, for a little while, with the rest of the group. She can't go a day – much less almost two now – without being with him. She doesn't know exactly when this absolute need cropped up, but it's here and it won't be ignored.

Which is how she finds herself rushing to GNB on a Thursday afternoon in mid-July, anticipation rolling thick and low in her belly.

With one cursory knock, she lets herself into his office.

Barney looks up; his gaze slides over Robin's body as the door clicks shut behind her. She looks amazing in a short pencil skirt and formfitting blouse. And from their earlier phone conversation, he has the distinct impression that before the hour is through he'll get a reminder of just how amazing she looks _out_ of that skirt and blouse. A quick bite to eat and then it's back to his place for the main course.

"Robin," he greets her devilishly, getting up from his chair and walking around to lean against the side of his desk. "So…you hungry?"

"I'm starving," she replies, and there's a spark in her eyes that tells him lunch is going to wait.

She's primed and ready, and so is he. With her, he's always ready. One word, one look, is all it takes. "Come here," he beckons with a smirk, crooking his finger at her, inviting her – as years before – to step into his web.

After nearly two months of sleeping with the same woman, he isn't even slightly itching for 'the benefits of strange'. In fact, she can still make his pulse pick up simply by crossing the room to him, as she's doing now.

Once she's standing before him all pretext goes out the window and she presses herself to him. "I missed you last night," she manages to whisper before his earlobe is in her mouth; it looks too delicious to resist. The hole where he'd pierced his ear has healed and closed up, but she can still feel the slight indentation with her tongue.

His hands settle on her hip and lower back. "I missed you, too. It was just me, Little Barney, and the nighty you left behind on Tuesday." He feels her lips on his jaw, his throat, and he stumbles a little as he confesses, "We put it to good use."

Robin stops and looks up at him. "Tell me you didn't…." He raises his eyebrow wickedly. "….With my silk bustier?"

He chuckles, deep and low, and slowly brushes against her, warming all the places where their bodies touch. "A man's got to do what a man's got to do."

Her eyes narrow, but fill with heat. "Why does that turn me on?"

Then she kisses him, hard. He jumps into it with equal fervor, and it quickly devolves into lips and mouths and tongues, his hands immediately roaming her body. "No bra. Hot."

Robin's only response is a moan as she presses herself further into him. She's desperate for him and she knows that he knows it. But he's desperate for her too, and somehow that makes it alright

They end up on his black leather sofa, Barney sprawled atop her taking full advantage of the position. But the quickness and ease with which he guided them here leads Robin to break their kiss and question, "How many other women have you slept with on this couch?"

"None," he says hurriedly, leaning back in, but she puts her hand to his chest, stopping him.

"How many?" she repeats, giving him a look that clearly communicates his normal BS won't work on her – a fact he already knew, but he figured it was worth a try.

"A few," he reluctantly admits, if fudging the numbers a little. Then his eyes turn honest, his voice serious, as he declares, "But no one since you. Anywhere. I swear."

Robin's face softens and she smiles warmly at him. She'd hoped that was the case. It certainly is for her. But since they'd never made the terms of their – whatever this is they're doing – clear, it's good to hear it from him.

"And I'm not just saying that to get into your panties," he promises.

Giving him a whole other kind of smile, she reaches for her purse where it's fallen on the floor and pulls out a black lace thong. "I'm not wearing any," she whispers, sliding it into his pocket.

He makes some sort of inarticulate noise in the back of his throat, and then attacks her.

"I took them off on the way here," she says, between kisses. "To speed things up."

"God, you're perfect."

His lips slowly trace down her neck as he unbuttons her shirt, and she turns her head to the side to enjoy it. Sweeping the fabric aside, he kisses the swell of her breast, each brush of his mouth across her skin spreading liquid heat, hitting every nerve ending. She moans softly, murmurs his name, opens her eyes for a split second – and sees someone walk by outside.

The door to his office is frosted glass, but the design in the etching leaves clears strips every so many inches, meaning – though it's distorted – she can see into the hallway. And….. "If I can see them, they can see us," she says aloud.

"Hmm?" he asks distractedly, his mouth still working over her.

"They can see us, Barney."

"No, the blinds are closed," he mumbles, his lips and tongue not missing a beat, almost making her forget the potential show they're giving to anyone walking the halls.

"No, no, the glass in the door," she says, pulling gently at his hair so that he looks up, focuses on what she's saying.

His eyes slide to the door and he does catch a glimpse of a suited-up leg walking past. He gazes back down to Robin, who's wearing a "told you" expression. "Bathroom," he proclaims, climbing off of her and helping her to her feet.

But Barney pulling her up leaves them standing too close to resist. She crushes her mouth back to his and their progress to the bathroom gets delayed. Still, they make baby steps around groping arms and hands.

She pulls at his jacket, eager to get him undressed. To facilitate her – because, hell, he's just as eager; he's ready to devour her – he rips it off and tosses it towards his desk with uncharacteristic disregard for a beloved suit.

They're almost there, but the way she's kissing him is too distracting; they both need this too badly. Finally, Barney can't take any more. He groans into the kiss, grabbing her bottom with both hands and lifting her up. Taking his cue, Robin wraps her legs around his waist with practiced ease and he turns them, presses her up against the bathroom door, her back bouncing against his motivational poster.

He gathers her skirt in his fingers, drawing it up around her waist, and it's too much yet not enough. "Inside. _Now_," she gasps against his lips.

"Baby, I'm going there," he breathes, using his hips to hold her against the door as he reaches for his zipper.

"No, _the door_. Inside the door."

"Right. Right," he says, reaching for the handle instead.

They tumble inside and he twists the lock. A second later, he has her up on the counter. Her shirt is completely open and the sight is enough to distract Barney, but she pulls him back into a hot, no holds barred kiss.

Robin grabs at his tie, nearly chocking him, so he pulls it off, throws it to the ground. But their progress still isn't fast enough. She tugs at the buttons of his shirt, desperate to get to his bare skin, wanting to feel it against hers. Once she's got his shirt off, she spreads her hands across his chest, draws teasing circles over his nipples and down…down…. Then she's going for his pants and, after fumbling for protection, he's inside her, and they both lose track of time and place and everything else until the world explodes around them.

By sheer strength of will, Barney manages to stay on his feet, panting into her neck, "That….was…."

"So good," Robin finishes, trying to breathe. "_Really_ good."

"….Epic," he agrees around his own gasps. He looks down at her, and what he sees takes what's left of his breath away. "You're beautiful. So beautiful," he tells her, and she smiles. He bends to kiss her left breast, then her right, nuzzles her there like a lazy sort of half-motorboat, then settles his face back into the hollow of her neck.

And she holds him, leaning back, the mirror cool against her cheek. She smoothes his damp hair. He has a bite mark on his shoulder and she's sure there must be fingertip-shaped bruises forming on his behind to match.

It scares her a little, how she has no control over this, this hold he has on her where she literally can't stay away, can't help herself, has to be near him, _has_ to be with him this way.

What's worse, she finds that she doesn't want to close herself off from him now that the sex is done. She wants to stay here like this, holding him. She wants to run her fingers through his hair and kiss him and cuddle him and – oh god, it_ terrifies _her.

But then Barney raises his head to look at her, awe in his eyes. "You make me crazy, Robin," he says, his voice soft and earnest. He withdraws from her, pulls back and gazes intently down at her: clothing still half on, hair mussed, looking thoroughly ravaged. In that moment he feels how much he loves her, and he's terrified too. "You _kill_ me," he sighs.

She presses a kiss to his chest, his neck, his lips. "You make me crazy too," she whispers before sliding from the marble countertop. She glances toward her bare feet as she steps down and notices for the first time that they've knocked off the crystal soap decanter and it's broken, oozing liquid soap across the tile floor. She looks over to see his reaction. That's when she notices his shirt, now in his hands….and the missing buttons that must have flown off in her overzealousness to get it undone. "Sorry," she says sheepishly.

He wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her to him. "Totally worth it."

He kisses her, his tongue hot and teasing as it slides into her mouth. But the beeping of his office intercom carries through to the bathroom and he releases her. He already has his pants back up and fastened before she's so much as righted her skirt.

"You go," she tells him. "I just need a minute to fix myself up."

He looks down at her exposed breasts and the hickey forming just above her right nipple. "Yeah, you better put those away…..Unless you want to go again?" he asks, hopefully.

"Go," she laughs, pushing him out the door.

Five minutes later, Robin's just opening the door to the bathroom, about to make a fairly dirty remark on the all the sweet, sweet lovin' they just made, when Marshall walks into Barney's office.

"Robin," he says, stopping short, and all three freeze. "What are you doing here?"

Her eyes dart around the room, taking in the scene: her purse, lying open and tipped over beside the couch; her shoes nearby, where they'd fallen off when Barney pressed her down into the cushions; his motivational poster slightly askew. At least, she notes, Barney's put his suit jacket back on, and either changed his shirt or found a way to repair the other one, as there's no hint of the broken buttons.

Thinking fast, she explains, "I came for lunch. You know," she shrugs, "I've been hearing about this Food Guy for weeks. Thought I'd see if he's as good as you both say."

"Food Guy? His lunches are _crazy_, but Robin….what happened to your shoes?" Marshall asks looking down at her bare feet.

"Oh," she says dismissively, "there was this accident and traffic was terrible. Everything was backed up, so I had the cab drop me off a few blocks from here. By the time I got to GNB my feet were killing me. Plus I had way too much coffee on the way over. So I came up to Barney's office, killed two birds with one stone."

Marshall nods, accepting her story without further question, and Barney can't help thinking Robin is one incredible woman.

"Boy, it must be hot out there," Marshall remarks as Robin steps back into her heels.

"Why's that?" she asks.

"You look really, really flushed."

* * *

><p>The three of them make small talk throughout lunch in the conference room, mostly about Food Guy's food and what "Guy" Barney and Marshall each are at the office. Then it finally turns back to the fictitious accident Robin witnessed, and just how hot it must be outside.<p>

Barney watches Robin, impressed with the way she handled their near discovery but unable to resist flustering her just a little. He loves to fluster her; it always leads to such naughty things.

Catching her eye, he says, "It's no wonder you were so flushed earlier, Robin. The heat'll do it to you every time." She can tell by his tone that trouble's coming, but there's no way to stop him. "It slides slowly into you, inch by inch, filling you up. And then it eases out, only to slam back in, hard and fast, hitting the good spot. Over and over again."

Marshall's eyes narrow and he looks back and forth between the two of them. "Are we still talking about how hot is it? Cause it kind of sounds like you're talking about sex."

Robin's gaze never leaves Barney's as she answers, "Barney's always talking about sex."

"I was talking about the heat, I swear," he says, raising his hands innocently. Just when the moment's settled and it seems like Marshall's going to let it pass, he continues, "But, conveniently, if it does get hot and you do start to sweat, I have just the thing here in my pocket."

He reaches in for Robin's thong, where she tucked it earlier, but before he can pull it out she quickly interrupts, "Marshall, I was just reading this article on the Lock Ness Monster."

Barney smirks at the weak diversion attempt. It works, though. Marshall's forgotten anything else, deep into spouting the evidentiary support of Nessie's existence. But he can't let it go at that, can't resist teasing Robin just a little further. "So I totally nailed this girl today in my office."

That gets their attention. "What?" Marshall asks.

But Robin recovers well. "Gross, I sat on that couch."

"What makes you think it was on the couch?" Barney counters. "Actually we had quite the time right up against my motivational poster. 'Strength', not 'awesomeness'," he informs Marshall, "though I suppose both apply. To bad there isn't one for 'satisfaction guaranteed'. What. Up." He raises his hand for a high five, but gets no takers.

Marshall just stares incredulously at him. "Dude, it is a _miracle_ you haven't gone down on sexual harassment charges yet."

Barney resists the obvious joke and instead simply says, "Ten for ten."

"It was that new woman from accounting, wasn't it? The one with the – " Marshall motions his hands in front of his chest to indicate a pair of large breasts. He shakes his head. "I _knew_ it was only a matter of time before you hit that."

Robin's eyebrow goes up and she looks to Barney, who masterfully changes the subject.

When they've all finished lunch, Marshall says his goodbyes to Robin in the conference room, and expects Barney to do the same, but she mentions she left her purse in his office, providing the perfect excuse to follow him back there alone.

As soon as the door shuts, Robin says, "So tell me about this woman in accounting…."

Barney's lips curl into an amused smile. "Tell you what? Is she hotter than you? Because the answer would be 'no'." He can see she's pleased by that, but not dissuaded.

"Actually, I meant something along the lines of why Marshall thinks it's just a matter of time before you 'hit that'?"

He reaches out and palms her hips, pulling her into him. "Probably because Marshall doesn't know I'm much too preoccupied with hitting this." She shakes her head but smiles anyway, and he nestles closer. "I have a free hour before my meeting with the North Koreans. We could make good use of it?"

"Uh uh. Nope. Sex in your office is too dangerous. Look what almost happened. We cannot make a habit of it." He pouts, but presses a quick kiss to his lips before releasing her. "So I'll see you later at McLaren's with the gang?" she asks.

"No, make it a couple hours earlier." She looks at him curiously. "I figure I owe you dinner. Food Guy's manicotti was sadly lacking today."

"Alright. I'll meet you back here at six thirty." She gathers up her purse and turns to go but then remembers. "And hey, I told Ted I have a date, so I'm free to stay the night at your place."

"Sweet."

Robin gives him a sexy, playful smile. "Not what I have planned."

And she doesn't make it out of the office without Barney kissing her again – this time longer, with decidedly more tongue, and a cupping hand to her behind.

* * *

><p>As she's leaving, Robin gets off the elevator two floors beneath to take a peek at accounting – out of plain curiosity and nothing more – and immediately spots the woman in question; there can be no doubt who Marshall was talking about: slim, blonde, huge boobs, and a vacant look in her heavily-mascaraed eyes – just Barney's type.<p>

Later that night when they have intense, wild sex all over his apartment, she's sure the extra elevator stop has nothing at all to do with it. Proving that she's way hotter than Accounting Girl and making sure Barney stays preoccupied with 'nailing' her alone are the farthest things from Robin's mind – at least that's what she tells herself, particularly when she's cuffing him into the sex swing.

* * *

><p><strong>AN<strong>: So there's still August and September to go (actually they'll be more than one chapter in September, as it shows a bit of the group's discovery of their relationship).

The challenge of this is just getting one little snapshot of them per month and trying to show a developing relationship within that context. Along with the sexiness of their relationship (which, come on, this is Barney and Robin so you know their secret summer had to be filled with tons of sex!) I'm trying to show the growing bond and connection that they didn't anticipate, that scares them senseless, but they can't stop. This chapter, I delved more into Robin's feelings, her jealousy over other woman, the fact that she wants more from Barney than just sex and that unnerves her. Next chapter will show more of how Barney's changing, and Robin's reaction to that.


	5. Robininity

It's two-thirty a.m. on a balmy August morning, but Barney's air conditioning is keeping it just the right temperature – not too hot and not too cool – as they step out of the bathroom wrapped in towels so soft and plush the contents of his linen closet could probably pay an entire month of Robin's rent.

Barney wraps his arms around her – he just can't seem to help himself – as he walks her backwards into his bedroom. It defies all of his rules on numbers and strange and why new is always better, but in spite of all that he can't get enough of this woman. No matter how many times they sleep together. No matter how long it's been going on now.

"I love taking showers with you, Scherbatsky," he says, nuzzling beneath her ear, his lips coming away damp from her still-drying hair.

"I've never felt so clean, yet so dirty."

"That's how I like my women," Barney grins.

Lily would be disgusted at such a comment, but Robin smiles. It's just Barney being Barney, and though none of her friends would understand it – which is just one of a long list of reasons why they've kept this a secret – that's how she fell for him in the first place. She lets her fingers trail across the top of his towel where it's fallen to sit low across his hips. An inch or two further and it would be considered indecent exposure. "Yeah well, you're pretty handy yourself there in the shower."

"Of course I am." He waggles his eyebrows at her, enjoying the path of her fingers. "Get you all naked and soaped up and lots of fun things happen."

"Mmm," she sighs, nestling in closer to his chest, bending her head to slide her mouth over his collarbone. "You wash my back and I'll wash yours." It's a terrible pun, but it's not yet three in the morning and she's had zero sleep – will be getting zero sleep before work – so it's the best she can do. He doesn't seem to mind though. He kisses her anyway before she pulls away.

"It's more your front I'm interested in," he tells her as she turns and crosses the room. With a flick of her wrist, she lets her towel fall unheeded to the bedroom floor and in the face of what's before him – namely the finest ass this side of the Canadian border – Barney has to offer the correction, "But your back has its fine points too."

He follows suit, dropping his own towel and going to retrieve a pair of boxers from his drawer. Turning from his dresser, the view of Robin across the room, still completely bare, catches his eye.

He watches her slip into her silk robe and it strikes him, the sight of her so at home here in his bedroom, looking just right sitting down on his unmade bed, retrieving her slippers from their place on the right side of the bed – _her side_, no matter what bed they find themselves in – and his heart fills with a rush of affection. It's been nearly three months of living this way. What used to be trysts at her apartment, his office, a hotel in midtown – wherever was convenient – has gradually morphed into frequent sleepovers, cozy mornings after, and lazy weekend afternoons spent together. She's inexorably a part of his life, his world, even more so then when they were "just friends" who happened to see each other everyday. Now they are friends, lovers – and whatever else comes with that –who not only see each other everyday at the bar, but spend every moment possible together. Sure, he works and so does she. She has her "girls' nights" with Lily and he spends time with the guys. But in between all the rest is _their_ time, their own little world of Barney-and-Robin, Sparkles and the Barnacle. And their little world rocks. Hard.

The prospect of living the way he does now – sleeping with one woman and only one woman; sharing his bed and his life with someone who not only knows his real name but all of his secrets, every horrible thing he has ever down in the name of a challenge or just to get laid – would have disgusted him, _terrified_ him, left him running for the hills as little as a year ago. But suddenly, this morning, he's finding it very difficult to leave their little world behind.

He crosses the room to her, naked and unashamed, sidles up behind her and puts his hands to her waist, sets them free to roam over the soft silk. He can feel the lack of anything else beneath the robe and it feels good, too good to let go just yet.

"Call in sick to work today. I will too. Come on, Robin," he coaxes, his tongue swirling over the shell of her ear to sweeten the deal. "Let's play hooky together."

Robin turns around, a look of surprised amusement on her face. "Barney, we just had sex. You're ready to go again already?"

He laughs. "That's not what I meant. Although….." He stops and looks down, and her eyes follow. "As you can see, Little Barney's always ready around you; I think he likes you," he whispers, as if it's a secret.

Now it's Robin's turn to laugh because that's about as shocking as saying the sky is blue. "Yeah, he doesn't have an 'off switch' does he?"

Barney frowns. "Do you want him to?"

She smiles naughtily, shakes her head. "No."

And that's yet another reason why Robin can't tell their friends: she gets within ten feet of Barney and becomes just as sex crazed as he is – although she thinks _that_ is something Lily would understand a little more.

"Thank god," he sighs. "Because, honestly, I'm not sure I can control him when it comes to you."

Robin smiles. His fear that she wanted him to tone down all the sex is grossly misplaced, but she finds him all the more attractive for his clear relief that isn't the case. "Alright," she relents, going into his arms. "What did you have in mind?"

Barney clears his throat, taking on the tone he reserves for quoting sacred articles of the Bro Code. "I propose a day of Robininity!"

"What?" she laughs. "What in the world is 'Robininity'?"

"I'm glad you asked. Robininity is the study of all things Robin. The essence of all things Scherbatsky."

"You want to study me?" she asks. Caught up in his good mood, her eyes take on a flirtatious note. "Isn't that what you did last night, in great detail?"

Barney shakes his head, amused. "If you'd let me finish, you little minx," he says, pulling her closer, "you'd know I'm proposing we _celebrate_ you." He gazes down at Robin, whose face is nothing but blank bewilderment.

"I don't understand." Then, after a second, she adds, "Barney, it's not my birthday."

"I know that," he scoffs with a trace of insult.

"Then why would you – I don't get it."

With an exaggerated sigh, Barney drops the Bro Code bravado and simply states, "I'm saying, we can do whatever you want, all day long."

Robin looks at him dubiously. "Really?" she questions suspiciously. "What's the catch, Barney? What sort of sexual favor do you want in return?"

That's when it hits him, his own words thrown back in his face, the reason he once gave Lily for why he couldn't pursue anything with Robin: _She'll never take me seriously. She thinks I'm some womanizing idiot. _

He hadn't meant it that way at all. He'd just wanted to do something for her, but all she could see was blithe, sex-obsessed, self-absorbed Barney Stinson. So he gives her just that.

"I want a lot of things from you, Scherbatsky," he says in a voice laced with lust, with a leer to match. "There's got to be at least a half dozen positions we haven't tried yet….."

And she gets that look, that knowing skeptical look that says she's prepared for some sort of shallow, sexually-charged challenge or crazy theory. It hurts him to see that look, to hear her ask that, to know she thinks if he ever does something nice for her he must expect something in return. But it's probably his own fault. He's the one who specializes in building walls, safety barriers. He's the one who took it there just now because he was too chickenshit to just tell her the truth: that he just wants to spend time with her; that he wants to make her happy; that he loves her.

He isn't ready to say any of that, but he does want that look to go away, so he dials it back a bit, lets his wall fall a little, leaves himself just a tiny bit more vulnerable. "No, really. I'm serious, Robin. You get up everyday at two am. You work your ass off at a job where no one appreciates you. You deserve more than one day a year to be all about you."

Robin considers this, and after a long moment quietly says, "Thank you, Barney."

She'd looked at him first with confusion, and now with something so soft and real and open, it makes him add, "There's something in it for me too: I get to bask in your awesomeness all day." Robin smiles slightly incredulously at him. "So what do you say?"

Part of her hears her father's voice saying, "_You don't look a gift horse in the mouth, R.J. Take whatever you can get_", but another part of her – the part that lives beneath the protective casing that same father helped build – wants to question it, _needs_ to ask, because this isn't typical Barney behavior. Then again, she's learned over the past three months – over the past year really – that there's a whole other side to Barney that most people never know. Sometimes she thinks she's the only one who gets to see it.

The way he's acting now reminds her of that night they had dinner together last fall, when out of the blue no one else could come. It was nice and sweet, but he was acting so unlike the horndog, bimbo-seeking Barney of old it freaked her out a little. It wasn't until the spring that she realized _why_ he was acting that way that night. Maybe it's the same reason he's acting this way now. No pretense, nothing deeper, he just cares about her that much. The thought leaves her feeling warm and happy inside, and for once rather than worry over the consequences of _that_, she gives herself over to it instead.

"Okay," she says a bit breathlessly, because taking leaps – even little ones – is still scary. "Where's my phone? I've suddenly developed a terrible case of food poisoning."

"Food poisoning?"

"Better in twenty-four hours, no questions asked."

And that deserved a lying-to-our-bosses-five.

* * *

><p>Twelve minutes later, Barney has managed to slip into some boxers, Robin has called in sick, and it's now just the two of them all day long.<p>

"Well," Barney tells her, "the city is yours. What do you want to do first? I'm kinda hoping you'll say 'me', but we do have about an hour left till closing time so…"

"I want to go back to bed."

He grins. "Good choice."

"To sleep," she clarifies. "I want to crawl back into bed and sleep until something other than a rooster or a stripper is awake," she adds around a yawn.

Barney laughs. "You never do seem to get much sleep around here, do you? Alright. You want sleep, you got it."

She thinks about what else she might want in this moment but when it comes to her she hesitates, feeling like saying it – admitting it – to him will make her sound weak, leave her too exposed. But this day is supposed to be all about her. For some crazy reason he gave her that leeway, so she takes him up on it. "There's one more thing, Barney. If you're up to the challenge."

His brow arches. "Listening….."

"I want us _both_ to climb back into bed. You never get enough sleep either. I know you never go back to bed after I leave; you always text me while I'm on my way to work."

"I was already planning to follow you," he says with a gentle smile.

"And I want us to sleep, just sleep. For now," she assures him with a wicked little look that promises him delicious things in the future. "But….I want skin-on-skin." She bites her lip, embarrassed at what she perceives as neediness. "Sometimes….sometimes I just like to feel you."

Her admission does something funny to Barney inside, makes his heart twist and lurch a little, makes him feel like giving her the world on a silver platter. Most of all, it makes him want to take her into his arms. Which he does.

He kisses her softly, holds her to him. When he pulls back, they look at each other a moment and the mood has shifted. They both can feel it. This is the time when any other normal man and woman would pour out their hearts. But they're Barney and Robin, each a little bit scared, both a little bit broken. So he just says, "Challenge accepted."

She smiles at that, thankfully accepting the return to free and easy. Her smile changes as his hands go to the knot of her robe, as his fingers open it and pull away the sides.

"Just sleeping, remember?" she reiterates, the challenge clear in her voice.

"Just sleeping," he repeats, letting the robe slide down her body until she's standing bare before him. His eyes follow a slow, meticulous path over what he sees, but he makes no move to touch her. It's Robin who ends up reaching for him. She takes off his boxers, touching him, teasing him a little as she does so. "You're not gonna make this easy are you?"

"I said I like to feel you….I didn't mention where."

They climb into bed separately but slowly move together, lying on their sides facing each other but still not touching. Finally Robin rolls into him and he allows it, not making a further move, just holding her, giving her that skin-to-skin contact she wanted. For now. Of course as soon as she falls asleep he'll have to extricate himself, either douse his body in ice water or take care of the situation himself, but she doesn't have to know that.

She shifts slightly, buries her face in his neck. "Mmm, you smell good, Barney. How do you always smell so good?"

"It's the awesome, oozing from my pores."

She laughs, sets her head back to the pillow, and he takes the opportunity to bend his face into her throat and kiss her there. "But you always smell good too. I must be rubbing off on you."

And she can't help herself. She hooks her knee up over his hip and begins to softly rock against him. "Speaking of rubbing off…."

"Hmm, this doesn't feel like sleep."

"It feels good." In a manner of seconds, however, her slow rhythmic rocking loses momentum, stops completely, and her leg slides lazily back down his. "But I'm too tired to do anything about it," she says sleepily.

Yep, he's definitely gonna have to take care of this himself. But he just laughs, lays a kiss to her forehead, and pulls the sheet up over her bare shoulder. "Goodnight, Robin."

* * *

><p>Six hours later, Robin wakes up feeling warm and relaxed and deliriously happy, picturing a whole extra day of no work, no pressure, <em>and<em> a sufficient amount of sleep. No mundane interviews. No people catching fire in cooking segments gone wrong. Just her and Barney having fun all day under the radar, meeting up with the gang later on, and no one suspects a thing.

She opens her eyes to find Barney up on his elbow, looking down at her. "Good morning."

"Morning," she smiles. "How long have you been awake?"

"A little while," he replies evasively. "I called in to work." He inches closer, leaning down over her. "Did you get enough rest?"

She stretches, yawns. "Mmm, yes."

"Good, cause I'm gonna rub us both off."

"Ooo," she teases in exaggerated approval. Then his body covers hers and the sigh turns real as she wraps her arms around him. "Rub away."

* * *

><p>Barney enjoys spoiling Robin – something he'll never admit to anyone; he isn't Ted – but still he doesn't cook and he doesn't do clichéd. So after they've climbed out of bed and showered again and somehow managed to keep their hands off of each other long enough to get dressed and stay that way, he has breakfast ordered in from her favorite restaurant.<p>

He asks her what the next thing on her list is after 'sleep in' and 'have incredible sex' have been crossed off. After only a moment's thought she decides on the shooting range, and so they go.

It's only once he finds himself there with Robin in their own little stall, the smell of powder thick in the air, that Barney has to laugh at the irony of voluntarily being so out of his element, both here surrounded by gun nuts and in this quasi-relationship – a word he only allows himself to _think_, never actually say aloud – with Robin. He's never followed helplessly after a woman, never before worked this hard when one of his schemes wasn't involved. Never given a damn about what any of them thought, unless there was a promise of imminent sex, and as soon as that was over he cared even less. But Robin is no ordinary woman. She's different. She's fire and ice, darkness and light. She's….everything. There's no one else like her, and in the dark empty moments of the nights they don't manage to spend together he knows that keeping her happy, keeping her with him, keeping the two of them together is just as important as breathing. And so he'd follow her anywhere, absolutely anywhere. He's just not ready to tell her that yet. But maybe, just a little, today will show her.

He watches Robin as she blissfully breathes in the air, then takes her gun into her hands. "I love it here," she declares. "My whole life, wherever I'm upset, or bored, or looking to blow off some steam…maybe some tension….." She nudges him with her shoulder. "Maybe it's been too long a dry spell, if you know what I mean…."

And he does – he almost usually does. When she's talking about sex, he _always_ does.

"Firing off a few rounds does it for me every time," she finishes with a little shiver of excitement.

He smirks at her near orgasmic delight. "Oh, there's nothing at all Freudian about that. Working over a hot, phallic object till it explodes in your hand."

"Shut up," she tells him, but she's smirking too.

"No, that's a compliment. You're the perfect woman. Mind all bro, body 100% woman. But in the future," he says, sidling up closer, "if I can just make one suggestion, the gun range is way across town and I'm more than happy to offer myself instead. Follow those same instructions and you'll get a very similar result."

She laughs even as she rolls her eyes. "Okay, okay. Come on, let's get to it." With an obliging tip of his head, Barney's hands go to his belt but she stops him. "No, not _your_ way. I'm serious. I'm going to teach you how to shoot."

It's Barney's turn to roll his eyes, but he lets her teach him and discovers he's actually a really decent shot, something he supposes could come in handy in self-defense situations – GNB still hasn't completely eradicated their ninja problem – but he's much more pleased with the proud smile on Robin's face when he hits the target dead-on.

They spend a couple of hours at the range but eventually get kicked out before they have a chance to leave on their own. The trouble begins near the end of their session when Robin tries to explain the importance of gun maintenance and how to properly clean the barrel. Barney is a horrible student, far too easily distracted, and is only interested in learning if he can substitute his fingers for the Dewey bore rod and a certain part of her anatomy for the gun barrel. And she was stupid enough to wear a mini skirt that day and crazy enough to start to go along with it and that happens to be when security comes by.

It's late afternoon by then, so they head out for drinks and lunch. Robin knows Barney must really care about her when he agrees to go to the Hoser Hut. Forty-five minutes in someone accidently leans on the light switch. It goes dark and everyone screams. When the lights come back on Barney is giving her this look, tipping his bottle of Canadian beer her way in a silent toast of mockery, and she should be annoyed but she all she can think is, _I love you_. Yet she can't bring herself to say it out loud. Instead, she shakes her head and laughs, "You're an idiot". But she thinks maybe he understands.

And it's probably the funnest single day of her life.

Later, they cap off the experience by going to MacLaren's, because they both want to and it's what the gang would expect. By midnight, Barney's more than ready to take Robin home. He's watched her body move beneath that insanely hot, in-some-lights-almost-see-through, sundress all day and he's been good. Well, except at the shooting range, but 'Stan the Security Guy' had to ruin that anyway so he figures it doesn't count.

Now Marshall's in the bathroom, Lily's busy getting the next round, and Ted's chatting up a girl across the bar. They're momentarily alone, and Barney takes full advantage of the opportunity. Leaning over, he whispers to her, "I want to touch you and I can't. You know how hot that makes me. Do you have any idea what I'd be doing to you right now if we were alone?" he murmurs in her ear, tantalizingly close. Her eyes fall closed as his lips brush over her earlobe. "I'd start by putting my hand – "

Lily returns and they both straighten away from each other. But with his usual single-mindedness, Barney will not be deterred. He spends the next twenty minutes using the best of his wingman abilities to get the apartment free. With Ted gone on an 'overnight date' and, shortly thereafter, Lily declaring "Funyun" with Marshall hurrying off after her, there's nothing stopping them from going upstairs. And so they do.

The walk upstairs is mostly quiet; Robin's deep in thought and Barney's busy gauging how much longer he has to wait before he can get that dress off of her. She unlocks the door and lets them both in, puts her purse on the hook and goes to do the same with the keys but they slip through her grasp. She bends over to pick them up and Barney ogles her ass, something she turns quickly enough to catch him at.

She smiles and he returns it, knowing he's busted but not really caring. Still, this is Robin so he has enough tact to go through the preliminaries. "You want a beer?" he asks, nodding toward the kitchen. But she shakes her head, wordlessly taking his hand and leading him straight to her bedroom, much to his delight.

She closes and locks the door behind them, just in case; after all, _Ted _is her roommate and he's been known to strike out before sealing the deal. Then she loops her arms around his neck, pulling him in close. "You were really sweet today, Barney."

"Barney Stinson is not sweet," he scoffs.

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm mysterious and virile and sexy and guaranteed to please, like James Bond or…" He thinks about it for a second. "Bon Jovi."

She laughs, not quite making the connection. "You're all those things too, but that doesn't change the fact that you took me all around the city today. You did everything I wanted, made it all about me. Barney, you did Canadian karaoke and you didn't even sing a single Robin Sparkles song. Face it, you're sweet."

"Am not," he argues, but it's significantly weakened by her fingers running rhythmically over the nape of his neck.

"Are so," Robin counters. She looks him over. He can feel the shift in her mood, and she watches his deep blue eyes grow heated in response. "I know it ruins your reputation…." She relieves him of his jacket. "But you, Barney Stinson…." His tie is the next to go. "Are sweet," she says, unfastening his collar along with the first button of his shirt. "And you taste sweet here." She kisses each corner of his mouth before pressing her lips to his, savoring it for a moment, humming softly before pulling back. "And here." She kisses along his jaw and then down his neck, her teeth softly raking his skin. "Mm, and here." Her open mouth slides across to his throat and when he makes a sound of gruff approval she can feel it vibrate against her lips. Walking him backwards a step, she pushes him down to sit on the bed. "Still have objections to being called 'sweet'?

The smile Barney gives her is both tender and turned on, her favorite look on him. "Nope. Not a one."

Flashing him a sexy smile of her own, Robin walks over to the table where her iPod is docked and switches it on. Soft music with a low, throbbing baseline fills the air, ratcheting up the mood that much higher. She sways and struts back to him, rocking her hips in time to the music as she turns around and backs into him, dipping and bending and rolling against him where he sits on the edge of her bed.

"Robin, are you….." His hands rise of their own volition to glide along her hips as she moves over him. "…..are you giving me a lap dance?"

She turns to face him, continuing to grind against him. "What does it feel like?" she asks, her voice pure sex – and god, she's incredible.

"It feels like a fever dream," he grunts, pulling her hips closer to his, and she comes down willingly, climbing onto him and straddling his thighs.

"Well, it's about to get a lot hotter."

She pulls her sundress over her head, and finally he's gotten her out of it, or rather she got herself out of it, but it doesn't matter either way because the important thing is she's out of it. Then she's all over him, undressing him, touching him everywhere, her lips on his, her tongue in his mouth. She tugs on his lower lip with her teeth, slowly releasing it as she arches back.

"Might as well do this right," she grins at a stunned Barney as she reaches around and unhooks her strapless bra, letting it fall to the floor. She pushes him down flat on his back and bends over him, kissing across his shoulders, over his chest, down his belly to the deep "V" low on his abdomen, pointing the way home. "You taste _really_ good here." She puts her open mouth to his skin there, her tongue tracing the spot. "Hmmm, now how else can I thank you for today?"

Barney wants this – he really wants this. If only she hadn't said she was doing it as a 'thank you'. That, along with what she said earlier, bothers him and he can't shake it. Because this is Robin, not some random bimbo, and the idea of _Robin_ thinking that he expects or requires this in exchange for considerate behavior toward her…..

He can't believe he's about to say this. His body fights his brain, but somehow he manages to get the words out. "You – you don't have to thank me." He's shaking, actually shaking a little because it's taking every ounce of self control here, but he repeats it and he means it. "You don't have to."

Robin looks up at him in confusion. "What the hell, Barney? My mouth is practically on, well, Little Barney here and you're seriously arguing?"

"I just….remember? 'No sexual favors necessary'. I just don't want you to think that's why I did all this today, because I expected you to…that you had to. Because that's not why. Not at all."

She regarded him curiously, something sparking in her eyes somewhere between affection and lust, most likely a jumbled mixture of the two. "I didn't think that, Barney. I know I don't _have_ to. I want to." Her tone changed, her eyes turning to pure seduction. "And when you say things like that to me, it makes me want to be really good," she whispers, lowering her mouth back to him.

* * *

><p>Much later, when they're both trembling and sated and still recovering, he smiles at her soft and loving. "Scherbatsky," he breathes, looking adoringly down into her eyes. "I…" He shakes his head, not quite able to articulate it, almost giving up before he finally says, "Inside you is my favorite place in the world."<p>

His kisses her one more time before pulling away, rolling off of her to his back. He turns his head against the pillow to look over at her. Their eyes connect and he only hesitates a moment before drawing her to him. Holding her, he strokes her hair, her back, until their breathing has calmed and they're lying relaxed in each other's arms.

"Robin," he sighs, savoring her name like a fine glass of Johnny Walker Blue. And, for now, that's enough.

* * *

><p>AN: Barney and Robin's "secret summer" is starting to wind down (the next chapter will be September). So we'll increasingly see how their little affair has become a relationship without them even realizing it.<p> 


	6. The End Of Summer

It's Saturday afternoon and Robin's lying boneless and satisfied in Barney's bed while the pair enjoy a post-coital cigar. It's only four o'clock, but Barney's bedroom never allows any natural light in. She thinks of it as a kind of sensual bat cave – ooh, a sex-cave – all mood lighting and expensive fabrics and pure, carnal pleasure. She has to admit she likes it. But if she could see out the window, she knows she'd see the leaves beginning to slowly fall and swirl in the air. They're barely a few days into September, but it's starting to get a little bit cooler in New York. She loves fall in the city, but the summer went by so fast. It's surprising to realize it's already gone.

Now that it is September, Ted's been busy worrying over the start of classes in a few weeks, and Marshall and Lily are all excited for the beginning of apple picking season. With the whole group otherwise distracted, it was easy last night to pass off her early exit as a "blind date" set-up from a friend at work. It was just as easy for Barney to convince them he was hooking up with some girl he picked up at McLaren's last week. In reality, they met outside the bar five minutes later and were already kissing by the time Barney's feet cleared the last step up to the sidewalk. They barely made it through the cab ride to his place; the driver definitely got an eyeful.

And they've been holed up in his apartment ever since. They stopped to eat, to shower, to watch a little TV, but they keep winding up right back in the same place again: Barney's oversized bed. Over the summer, it quickly became one of Robin's favorite places, mostly for the privacy they have here but also because its massive size allows for creativity and athleticism her bed simply can't comfortably support. Plus she really likes the feel of silk sheets against her bare skin.

Then there's the man himself. Nothing she's ever experienced can compare to an afternoon spent in bed with Barney. The way he looks into her eyes right before he kisses her. The way he whispers sweet, filthy nothings in her ear. About how he's never known anyone like her before; about how smart, and funny, and independent, and generally awesome she is; of exactly what he's about to do to her, in slow explicit detail –which somehow makes it even hotter when he actually does it.

Robin's mouth stretches into a lazy smile just thinking about it, and she takes a puff off the Cuban, blowing a perfect smoke ring down the bed before handing it back to Barney. It still amazes her how she's always been so anti-sharing and yet she easily shares anything with Barney – food, drinks, cigars. She's already sharing all of her body and so much of herself with him that freaking out over those little things just seems silly to her now.

Barney grins as he takes the cigar, drawing from it while he reads her expression. "What are you thinking about that's got that weird, contemplative look on your face? You're not Tedding-out are you?"

"No. Never. I was just thinking about sharing things," she says, scootching up on her elbow. When he gives her a confused look, she adds, "You know, just the one cigar."

"Ahh. Is this like a food sharing thing? Because I've got more where that came from if it bothers you," he teases, knowing all about her past foibles but also knowing, for some reason, this doesn't freak her out. They've been sharing an after-sex cigar in his bed at least one a month now for the entire the summer.

"No, one'll do," she answers, leaning down over him. "But it's my turn." She reaches up and snatches it away, flopping back down onto the pillow beside him. Then she brings the cigar to her lips, breathing it in with a sigh, and Barney laughs.

From the table beside the bed, the soft little ping of Robin's phone announcing a new text momentarily breaks the spell. That's the fourth little ping in the past fifteen minutes. It's probably Ted, looking for her, wondering if she's okay; or Lily, wanting details on her 'date', which has obviously been a success. If they play their cards right, they can milk this 'Robin's seeing a new guy' thing for at least two, three weeks, maybe more. In their over-the-summer experience, that's always proved the quickest and easiest way to guarantee more uninterrupted nights and days like this one.

It's actually pretty amazing that none of them have found out already. Secrets never last long in their little group, and honestly Barney's surprised no one has figured it out by now. They're good. They're careful. But, to put it nicely, they're also very passionate, which leads to the occasional impulsive slip-up – like doing it against the door in Marshall and Lily's bathroom during Marshall's thirty-first birthday party. He could've sworn he saw Lily give them an odd look when they snuck back into the room, but she never said anything.

Sometimes he wonders how much longer they can realistically keep this a secret. Whatever this thing is between them, it shows no signs of stopping. Not that he ever wants it to, but as hot as the sneaking around is there are nights when Robin has to go back home, or Barney has to slip silently out of her apartment under the cover of darkness, where he really wishes they could just be done with all the lying and openly have each other. After all, they aren't doing anything wrong.

"You gonna answer that?" he asks, nodding towards her phone.

"Nope."

She slinks further down into the covers. He can feel the soft skin of her thigh brush against his, and that makes him sigh more than any cigar ever could. Reaching a hand beneath the sheets, he dances his fingers over her midriff.

Barney looks into her eyes then and kisses her softly, and it does something to Robin; makes her feel warm and bright, makes her heart swell and pick up a little with a thrill of…..well, pure happiness. And as clichéd, and cheesy, and Ted-like as it sounds in her head, she just can't help thinking this moment is absolutely perfect.

"Today's been awesome, Barney," she says, passing him back the cigar. She chuckles and her voice takes on a suggestive tone as she adds, "Even better than the night of the party."

He grins. "Yeah…..that was good times."

Earlier that week, _Come On, Get Up New York!_ had thrown Robin a party to mark six months on the job with ratings up to an all-time high. It was honestly a silly little show, nowhere near the hard-hitting news she'd always dreamed of reporting, but still she was proud. And she'd really wanted Barney there with her, for reasons she didn't care to examine – he was responsible for her getting the job to begin with; that was the one she chose to go with. In order to accomplish that without arousing suspicions, she had to invite the whole gang. They seemed perplexed at why they were being asked to come, and frankly a little annoyed, but were close enough friends to know it was an obligation. Marshall and Lily and Ted made cursory appearances, but after they left Barney stayed – much to the annoyance of Ryan, her producer.

"You know, I really don't like that guy," Barney announces petulantly, clearly following the same train of thought as she was.

"Who, Ryan?" she asks, knowing full well that's who he means.

"Yes, _Ryan_. What kind of a name is that?"

"A perfectly normal one." When he scoffs, she can't resist teasing him just a little. "I don't know, Barney. He's always been nice to me, very sweet."

"Psh, yeah," he counters, the disdain clear in his voice. "That's cause he wants to get in your pants."

Robin smiles proudly. "Yeah, he does," she owns it happily. After all, having a guy – especially an attractive successful one – that interested in you always has a way of stroking a girl's ego. But Barney glowers, and so she adds, "Of course, he knows I've never been interested in him." He brightens at that and she smiles, pleased and amused that he's so transparently jealous. "It really bugs him too." She runs a hand over his chest, her palm curling over his pec the way they both love. "And knowing I'm sleeping with you drove him crazy that night."

Barney's eyes change from hazily enjoying her touch to wide-eyed alertness. "Wait, how does he know we're sleeping together?" He looks over at her with slight trepidation, ready to plead his innocence. "_I_ didn't tell him. I swear."

Robin laughs. "No one _told_ him, Barney, but you were all over me whenever he came by. At one point he tried to say 'hi' and you put your hand on my ass. Kind of gave it away."

It had reminded her of being back in Canada, watching two bull moose spar over a female, but it made her feel good – and was weirdly way hot to see Barney react that way. The sex that night was _amazing_.

"Yeah, well, he is way beneath your level of awesomeness. The sooner he figured that out, the better."

"No arguments here," she agrees, stretching up and kissing him.

Barney reaches over to snub out their cigar, setting it on the night table. Giving her an easy smile, he uses both now-free hands to pull her close. Robin comes readily, snuggling under his arm. They fit together perfectly and, god, lying bare pressed against him never gets old.

His lips brush over her forehead, her temple, as his hands ghost lower and lower over her back. With them, this sort of cuddling always leads to more, and she's ready and waiting for him to ease her into it, but after only a few minutes of holding her she feels him start to pull away.

"What – Where are you going?"

"To get us some scotch," he answers. His mouth finds hers and lingers in a way that _really_ makes her ready for him to ease her into it.

"Okay," she concedes, because scotch does sound pretty good about now. "But then come back to bed."

Barney smiles at that, smiles at her. He spent a full year waiting and longing for Robin to want him even just a little, and now she's lying warm and tousled in his bed, eagerly awaiting his return. It doesn't escape him that – to borrow her oft repeated favorite word – it's _literally_ a dream come true.

He pulls back the covers and gets out of bed and she watches him leave the room, naked and unabashed: broad, muscled back; trim hips; tight butt, so tight under her fingers. From their first meeting, she'd always thought Barney Stinson was attractive. Sleeping with him that first time, years later, really drove the point home. Still, it's nothing to now that she knows his body so intimately. In the beginning, she'd thought it was just because it was new, this sexual side of their relationship, finally being free to be with him that way, to release the pent-up lust for him she'd been carrying for longer than she could even pinpoint. But by now she's been with him countless times and that crazy, sometimes uncontrollable desire for more hasn't faded in the least.

Only last week, the three of them – Barney, Robin, and Ted – were having a movie night at the apartment. While Ted hurried out to the sports bar on a hot wings run – her idea – she attacked Barney right there on the couch. It was hot, rough, frantic, and oh so satisfying, and she'd only just climbed off of him and straightened her skirt when Ted came walking back through the door.

And just the day before yesterday, Robin found she couldn't wait and called Barney to the apartment in the middle of the day. He normally didn't mind skipping out of work, but at the time he had an important meeting with some kind of totalitarian government, probably the North Koreans – it seemed to always be the North Koreans. She promised him she'd make it worth his while, and indeed she did. She met him at the door wearing nothing but a thong and almost perfectly circular butter cream pasties; she's spread it on herself so it was a little hard to tell. And that wasn't the only thing that was hard that afternoon….and into the evening. It was risky being together in the apartment to begin with – Ted could've come home, even Marshall and Lily; they all had keys – and especially to keep at it for so long, but they just couldn't help themselves. It would be so much simpler if they didn't have to hide this from their friends.

Her thoughts get interrupted when Barney comes back in, brandishing a bottle of scotch but only one glass.

"More sharing?" Robin laughs. She finds it a bit odd, but doesn't really mind when there's a full bottle at their disposal.

He shakes his head, a depraved look on his face. "The glass is for you. For what I have in mind, I don't need one."

He sets hers on the night table and sits down on the bed. Taking hold of the top of the sheet, he pulls it all the way back, baring her body to him. At first he just looks, because he too can't get enough, then he uncaps the bottle.

"What are you going to do with it?" Robin asks, and even she can hear the anticipation in her voice. Her body's already burning and he hasn't even touched her.

"I'm gonna start right here," he says, pouring it into her navel. Setting the bottle aside, he lies down beside her, bending his open mouth to her body to lap at it with his tongue before sucking it out.

That, of course, leads to further tasting, and soon they're laughing and kissing and rolling across his bed. Him on top, then her, then him, until they finally stop with Robin lying over him – because Barney's more than happy to have her naked and draped across him.

She drops kisses along his jaw, neck, and chest before returning to his mouth, her tongue sliding inside to find his. "Mmm," she murmurs, kissing him deeply. "You taste like cigars and scotch and….Barney." She kisses him again, savoring the flavor. "You taste like Barney," she sighs.

And now it's his turn to nibble at her neck, his hands sliding down to knead her ass, until she suddenly pulls back. Propping up on her hands, she looks down at him thoughtfully. "Barney, do you ever….."

She stops abruptly, causing him to look up at her questioningly. He can see the hesitancy clear on her face. "What?" he softly prompts, his fingers smoothing her hair.

"Do – do you ever regret lying to everyone? I mean, was it the right thing to do? Do you ever feel bad about it?"

Barney thinks about it for a moment before shaking his head. "Nah, I don't regret it. This has been the best summer of my life."

Robin smiles and slides off of him to lie side by side. "Mine too."

"Yeah?" he asks, and she can tell he's pleased to hear her say it.

"Yeah, it really has been."

"And if we told them they'd be all like, '_Define the relationship_'." He cringes.

"'_Have the talk_'." She rolls her eyes.

"We don't need any of that," he says, his arms encircling her and drawing her against him. "We're perfectly happy the way we are." Then Barney's hit with a sudden flash of uncertainly. After all, in his experience having the talk and defining the relationship is what all women secretly want, even if they won't admit it at first. Maybe he's digging himself a hole here…. "Aren't we?" He looks to her, anxious over her response, preparing himself for a blow-up.

But, instead, she rubs against him provocatively and grins. "_Yeah, we are_."

He gazes over at her in relief and pure admiration, because she's so much better than other women. "See, this is why I love you, Robin." He smiles warmly, gives her that look that always makes her melt, and the moment stretches between them, because he said it like a joke but they both know he means it.

Then it's back to his Barney face. "Time for another round," he proclaims, letting her go to reach into the night table drawer. He pulls out a thin piece of silk. "Blindfold or bondage? Your pick."

She shakes her head and laughs. "This is why _I_ love you."

Barney stops, all at once serious. "You do?"

Robin hadn't meant for that to slip out. She shrugs, smiling, hoping he'll let it go at that, but he raises an eyebrow, still waiting for an answer.

And the look on his face is too earnest, too adorable to give him anything less than the truth. "Yeah," she breathes. And though she's not _exactly_ saying the words, she means it with all her heart.

His eyes twinkle down at her, and without a word he slides down her body. She gasps when she feels his mouth on her, soft and warm and hungry. "No, _this_ is why you love me," he counters with a lustful grin. Then he sets to work proving just that.

* * *

><p>Late that night after she finally answers her texts, claiming her date went so well she's staying the full weekend with him, Robin falls asleep – a two A.M. job and lots of great sex will do that – but Barney's still awake, watching her. She really is beautiful when she sleeps, peaceful, and he can't believe how lucky he is. Sure, he's banged super models and the occasional celebrity. But Robin isn't just hot. She's a woman of quality. Breathtaking, smart, funny – the whole package. And she keeps inviting him back into her bed day after day, night after night. He isn't sure how he's managed it, but he's fallen into something truly legendary.<p>

The minutes wear on and he continues to simply watch her sleep. It gives him the rare opportunity to just look at her without worrying that she'll find it weird or off-putting. He studies her features with the eyes of a man who knows her well, and she does look beautiful. Beautiful but tired, and for her sake he's glad tomorrow is Sunday and she can sleep in as long as she likes; he promises himself he won't wake her for sex before that – even if she sleeps until noon.

She makes a small murmuring sound and resettles herself against him. More like half atop him. In the three and a half months of sleeping with Robin, both figuratively and literally, after the first few tentative weeks of settling into the newness of Barney _and_ Robin, they've fallen into a habit of gentle cuddling – something Barney had _never_ done before with a woman. When the sex was done so was the touching. But, with Robin, it just feels….right. Sometimes they'll go for hours, other times just the once, but afterwards it always just seems natural to spoon up behind her, his arm slung loosely over her hip. Or, some nights, she'll reach down and take hold of his hand, drawing it up against her chest – which is great because, hey, that's his favorite part of her…well almost. That's how they usually fall asleep but often not how they stay asleep. In the night, they'll roll apart, find a position of comfort. After all, sleep is sleep and no one takes it personally.

But, up until now, it's been nothing like this blatant possessiveness, even if she isn't aware of what she's doing. She's strewn across him like a second blanket, her leg pulled up over his thighs, her torso mostly on top of his, her head resting against his chest like she thinks he's her pillow. It should make him feel trapped. It should make him feel smothered. It should make him feel panicked. But somehow it doesn't. Somehow, in someway he can't yet let himself say out loud, it just feels right. It just feels incredibly _good_.

After a reflexive squeeze of his pec – and a few unintentional strokes of her thigh across Little Barney, who as always perks right up to her touch – Robin stills again. He adjusts himself slightly to more comfortably support her weight. Her lips brush against his skin with the movement, and his heart immediately speeds up at the sensation. Still nothing, nothing in his whole life has even been sweeter than the feeling of Robin's breath blowing soft and warm and even across his chest. Barney smiles, wrapping his arms more tightly around her and closing his eyes to the world, feeling what can only be called contentment.

* * *

><p>AN: There are three chapters left after this one, all taking place in the month of September. The next chapter I hadn't originally planned on but I just came up with an idea from re-watching Season 6's "Cleaning House" that I really wanted to play with. So that will be set about a week before the Season 5 premiere. The chapter after that will be right after the gang founds out about Barney and Robin and will be set during the span of "Definitions". Then the epilogue will cap things off, set immediately after "Definitions" ends.<p> 


	7. Adolescent Fantasies

**AN**: This is a new addition to the story, not originally planned as part of this fic, but I got to thinking about Barney's young life. He was a geeky kid, who had zero experience with women, a virgin until past college. That combined with his active and elaborate imagination, I figured he must have had all these fantasies as a hormonal teenage boy (which may help explain his obsession with the equally teenage Robin Sparkles).

Then in "Cleaning House" (which is what I used for the descriptions here) there is a very quick exchange when they're all upstairs cleaning out Barney's old room that made me think, "Wow, there is a story here". Barney thanks them for helping pack up his stuff and Lily says, "It gives us a rare insight into the makings of Barney Stinson." Barney simply says, "Hmm", and then immediately looks over toward Robin and smiles at her, seeming to imply that there's an inside story there, or at the very least that she has some secret insight into "the makings of Barney Stinson". And so I thought, perhaps Robin has been in this room before…..

* * *

><p><strong>Adolescent Fantasies<strong>

It's already mid-September and it's hard for either Barney or Robin to believe because that means it's now officially been four months – _four whole months_ – since the two of them starting doing this. Four months of sleeping together. Four months of sneaking off to meet each other. Four months of afternoon hookups, of overnight stays and surprisingly cozy mornings after. Four months of slowly building a routine they're both comfortable with. Four months of discovering one another in a whole new, more intimate light.

Barney now knows what side of the bed Robin likes to sleep on and she knows that, while she enjoys a pretty nightgown, his talk of suitjamas is mostly myth as he prefers to sleep entirely in the nude. They've been close friends for years so Barney already knew how Robin takes her coffee and her scotch, but he now also knows her favorite brand of makeup, shampoo, and body lotion. Robin's discovered Barney has an absolute obsession with obscenely expensive shower gels – which is probably half the reason he smells so good all the time – and that he equally enjoys rubbing them into _her_ skin; she isn't sure if it's making her smell like him that he likes so much, or if it's simply the rubbing itself.

Barney now knows when Robin is feeling stressed she likes to have her feet and legs massaged, and he's more than happy to oblige because it always leads to something more. Unlike most women he's known, Barney's learned Robin absolutely hates his Jacuzzi. She calls it a cesspool of disease, which he thinks is funny since he hasn't been with anyone but her in four months– a personal record – and she knows it too, but since she also knows it was one of his prime seduction spots, she has an automatic dislike for it that he finds sweet.

Robin, however, has taken like a pro to his sex swing, despite its prior use. And while it comes as no shock to Barney that he's taught her a thing or three, he's pleasantly surprised that she's come up with several new and enjoyable variations all her own; consequently he's named them after her.

She's now familiar with his habit of making his frequent calls home to his mom in the early afternoon; for some reason it's both their favorite time to talk. And he, in turn, has gotten her to show him every place she's hidden a gun in her apartment – and his too.

They both enjoy taking showers together. Warm relaxing water and nudity make an excellent combination. But she learned early on how much he loves it – _seriously_ loves it – when she washes his hair. With her fingers rubbing gentle circles into his scalp through the shampoo suds it's the closest Robin's ever seen Barney to ecstasy outside of actual sex.

But of all the things they've discovered about each other in four months' time, of all the ways they've opened up to and accepted this newfound intimacy, the thing they're most proud of is that somehow they've managed to keep this all to themselves. Because still, after all this time, none of their friends have the slightest clue they've been together the entire summer and now into the fall. Besides all the obvious problems the group finding out would cause, they both rather like having this secret between the two of them and keeping this world of Barney-and-Robin private, just for them.

With that in mind, they have it all planned out to spend the entire day and night together on Sunday. They've announced excellent excuses to the gang – Robin's going out with that same guy they invented earlier in the month and Barney's busy at an out-of-town laser tag tournament. Everything's all set and they're both particularly looking forward to it too as Saturday was a 'girl's night' for Lily and Robin and Claudia, so a lonely Marshall had a 'bros night' of beer and football at Ted's apartment. Neither one of them was able to break away without rousing suspicion from their friends, making for one frustratingly long night for two people who have grown accustomed to sleeping together at least once a day.

However, all the planning and anticipation comes to a halt when Barney's mom gets sick. She's had a bad case of the flu for at least a week now but she refused to see a doctor. Apparently it had gotten bad enough yesterday that she went into the ER to get checked out. She only just called Barney that morning to tell him she'd been in the hospital and in fact has a "slight case of walking pneumonia" or he certainly would've been there already. Barney's devotion to his mother is something that Robin has found absolutely adorable ever since she first learned about it that winter. So she certainly doesn't blame him for wanting to go check on her, especially with James out of town.

It does however mean they'll have to break their date – or meet up; they always avoid the word "date". But then everything changes when Barney asks Robin if she'd like to go with him. Going out to Staten Island, bringing medication and chicken soup to a guy's sick mother, is definitely girlfriend stuff and it ought to send her running to the hills, but for some reason she finds herself accepting the invitation. It isn't exactly what they had planned, but it's still spending the day with Barney.

And that's how they end up on a Sunday afternoon, standing on the front porch of his childhood home. After giving Robin a tentative smile – because this is uncharted territory, though neither will say so out loud – Barney opens the front door.

Loretta is sitting on the couch in her robe, her hair pulled loosely back, honestly looking a bit worse for the wear, but her face lights up in a broad smile when she sees her son at the door. "Barney," she beams, getting up to hug him. "I told you, you didn't have to come."

"And I told you I _was_ coming. Of course I was coming," he says, pulling back from the hug to examine her. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine, Barney. You don't have to worry about me. They gave me the first round of antibiotics in the ER, and now that you've brought me the rest I'll be back to normal in – Oh." She cuts off when she sees Robin beyond Barney, still standing awkwardly at the door. "I didn't realize you had a guest."

Barney motions for Robin to come over, which she does, though it's clear to him she finds the whole situation a little uncomfortable. "Mom, you remember Robin."

"Yes, I certainly do. Hello." She glances toward the empty table behind them. "If I'd known you were coming I would've prepared something. Maybe I can still – "

"Oh, no, you don't need to do that," Robin jumps in. For the first time, she remembers what she's holding and thrusts it forward. "We brought soup," she offers lamely.

Loretta takes the bag from her, smiling. "How lovely. I'll just get some bowls and spoons and we can all eat together."

"No, mom. I'll do that. You sit down," Barney says, leading his mother over to a chair at the table.

Robin looks down at Loretta's bathrobe and slippers and feels all the more awkward. "I'm sorry to intrude this way, Ms. Stinson. Barney didn't tell me this was a surprise visit." She glares over at him as she says the last part. He merely shrugs, indicating it isn't a big deal, but it certainly feels that way to her.

"Please, dear, call me Loretta. And it's not an intrusion. I'm always happy to see Barney and his friends. He seems to hide them from me, though I hear about you all the time. I'm just sorry he dragged you along to look after me. I can think of much better ways to spend a Sunday afternoon. But then Barney's always been a bit of a mama's boy, the way he – "

"_Mom_," Barney interrupts, with that look of panicked warning all children give their parents when they're embarrassing them.

"Well, it's true, Barney," she chuckles, patting his arm.

Robin nods her agreement, and there's a teasing smile on her face as she says to him, "It really is." She turns to his mother and adds, "He has such a thing about calling you at the same time everyday."

"One o'clock on the nose," Loretta chimes in. "I think of him as my own version of Old Faithful."

Barney looks back and forth between the two laughing women and he isn't quite sure if it's safe to leave them alone together, but eventually he hurries into the kitchen for the dishes and silverware.

The rest of lunch goes much the same way, with Loretta regaling Robin with stories of Barney's youth, which he knows full well she's storing away for later – and his mother is certainly giving her enough fodder for teasing and blackmail to last for years to come. But it's good to see Robin loosen up and enjoy herself, and it's equally nice to see his mother laughing along with her. He doesn't want to let himself admit it, but it's very important to him that his mom approves of Robin – which is ridiculous because she's not even his girlfriend, not really. They don't use those terms or define their relationship. They just are what they are. But still, it matters to him.

After the table is cleared, Barney somehow manages to convince his mother to go upstairs and take a nap, and he and Robin do the dishes together. It's an itchingly domestic scene, but it's not like he's never seen her do household chores before. He knows how much she hates washing dishes in particular, but once he bought her and Ted that dishwasher it hasn't been an issue. Still, even though she offered as much when Loretta was there, he's not going to expect her to wash his mother's dishes alone. Not that she would ever let him.

Working together, they complete the task surprisingly quickly – and he was right earlier; she spends the entire time teasing him over all the things she's just learned at lunch.

Setting the last dish back in the cupboard, Robin turns to him and says, "I still think Ted and Marshall and Lily really need to hear about how you joined your grandma's sewing circle."

"That was all Nana's idea," Barney answers defensively. "And it only lasted for a week. Plus I was six years old."

"Oh, I'll conveniently leave that part out."

"Okay, _Sparkles_. They still haven't seen 'Sandcastles'. I bet they'd just love to watch your follow-up video slash wanna be tampon commercial."

Robin laughs. "Alright, alright. Truce."

"That's what I thought," Barney laughs along with her. "Now come on," he says excitedly, taking her hand. "I wanna show you my old room. My mom left it exactly the way it was when I was a kid."

At Robin's insistence they tiptoe up the stairs and through the hallway so as not to disturb his mother. When she crosses the threshold into Barney's old room she has to laugh because it is shockingly untouched. It's a weird concept for Robin because the very minute she moved out of her father's house to go live with her mom, her bedroom was instantly changed into a showcase for all her old hockey trophies. She thinks of it as a kind of shrine to the "son" that's now dead to him. And later, when Robin moved out of her mom's to go on the mall tour, _she_ got rid of all of her stuff too. There were three weeks between the end of Robin Sparkles and the beginning of college when she came back to find everything gone and that really she now had no home at all. She and Jessica became roommates after that. So it's a little hard for Robin to wrap her mind around such parental devotion as this, to not touch a room even all these years later, just so Barney can see it as it used to be whenever he happens to visit.

"Wow," Robin marvels, shutting the door behind them so she won't feel the need to whisper. "You were not kidding."

"Nope," Barney grins. "Mom left everything just how I had it when I moved out."

Robin steps further into room, taking it all in. The walls are a deep blue, so is the carpet and dresser, which makes sense as she knows it's his favorite color. The bed has a tie dye comforter and blue plaid pillows, and there are a few autographed baseballs and two sports trophies. Collectively those are the only "manly" things about the room. Everything else is an ode to the adorably geeky inner nature he works so hard to hide.

Directly next to the door is a bookcase filled with trinkets, including old-fashioned paper 3D glasses, a horde of little plastic dinosaurs, a survival handbook, and a magical card deck that she runs her fingers across and smiles. Adjacent to the bookcase is a little desk, sporting a model plane, a small globe, a stuffed tree frog, and a large metallic robot.

"Someone was a little bit of a nerd, wasn't he?" She rubs his shoulder playfully before crossing to the other side of the room.

"I wasn't a nerd….per say. And there's nothing wrong with being academically inclined."

"Didn't say there was."

"That's how you get a killer job, like the one I have at GNB."

"Yeah. Absolutely," she agrees with a smirk and he can tell she's mocking him.

"No, it gets you more than just a great job. It, in fact, is what makes me so awesome. Ladies don't go for no stupid guy."

"But ladies go for this, hmm?" she asks, pointing to the large poster of the solar system framed and hanging on the wall. She bends down to look into the telescope that's aimed out the window, but even adjusting the scope she couldn't really see much of anything. Rising back up, she turns to him with a teasing smile. "I bet you used this to actually look at the stars, right?"

Robin can tell Barney's about to launch into some dramatic and entirely false story, but then he looks down and concedes, "Most of the time."

She laughs and moves on to stand before his dresser. There's another dinosaur on top – this one a large T-Rex – as well as a model rocket ship and racing helmet. And then there's the standout. She picks it up and shows it to him. "What is it with you and stormtroopers?"

"Uh, they are only majestic imperial guards, Robin," he says, taking the toy from her and carefully returning it to its place of honor.

"Right." She turns her attention to the posters on either side of the bed. A tiger, a picture of the moon's surface, a reproduction of an old circus flyer. But the one that's her clear favorite is the poster sporting a collection of colorful guitars. "Now that's impressive."

Barney looks up at it and smiles. "Mmm. 'Rock N Roll'," he reads the poster's emblazed title. "Bon Jovi, _You Give Love A Bad Name_. Classic."

"No. I meant this," she says, pointing out the silver revolver in the upper right hand corner, just under the word 'Roll'. "See, this is why you're a natural shot." She nods her head approvingly as she moves past him.

He truthfully never really noticed there even was a gun in the poster, but he's not going to tell her that.

Robin stops in front of the small elementary school baseball team photo hanging next to the dresser. She squints down at the picture and easily finds Barney in the crowd. "Aww. Look at you with those adorable blond curls."

"Hey, you like my hair."

"Oh, do I?"

He gives her a wicked look. "You certainly like to grab onto it when I – "

"What are these?" she interrupts, knowing full well where he was going with that. She shows him the two pieces of framed art on the other side of the window. The top one appears to be a man wearing a mask or a hood of some sort and looks like a kind of quasi-super hero.

"That's from this series I used to read."

"Comic books too? Be honest, Barney, did you make your own?"

"They call them graphic novels."

"'They' can call them whatever they like. It's still just a comic book."

"With an attitude like that, you'll never see _The Remarkable Adventures of Barnabus_."

Robin laughs, looking down at the second picture. It's another reproduction of a classic flyer, this one from a magic show. "The Amazing Renaldo." She shakes her head, smiling. "You sure had a lot of magic stuff. Were you accidently setting things on fire back then too?" she asks teasingly.

Barney gives her a look of mock insult. "I'll have you know I was a master magician by the age of ten."

"Sure. Of course you were."

"I was. And at the age of twelve I was asked to perform at the governor's mansion."

She looks at him with wide, innocent eyes. "Yeah? And how did that go for you?"

He hems and haws for a little before admitting, "It turns out I couldn't make it because there was a last minute mix-up with the limo they sent for me."

"Yep, that happened."

"It _did_," he insists. "I can show you the invitation to prove it. It's on official letterhead with the governor's seal and everything," he boasts, "so that proves it right there. It called my skills – and I quote – 'world renowned'."

"Mm-hmm, yeah. That's awfully big talk for a man whose initials are B.S."

He smiles, despite himself. "Oh, that is it," he says, grabbing her around the waist and tackling her down onto the bed.

They both fall into helpless laughter as he tickles her mercilessly. By now he knows all the most effective spots. "Do you take it back?" he asks. "Say you take it back?"

"Nope. Not gonna happen," she counters, trying to squirm out from under him, but he has her held tight.

And somewhere in all the wrestling around the mood changes. Barney stops tickling Robin, and just looks down at her instead. They both feel that charge between them. There's always been that zing there, all the more when they're playing together this way, teasing and one-upping each other and generally having fun together.

Smiling, he bends down and kisses her. It's a soft kiss that soon grows until his tongue is in her mouth and they're both reminded that it's been too long since the last time they were together. He sinks into the kiss, drawing a soft murmured sigh from her. Then his lips gradually trail from her mouth to her jaw line and down to her neck as his hand creeps up her bare leg.

"What are you doing?" she asks breathlessly. His hand is caressing her knee and his teeth are gently biting her neck, and it's good – it's really good – but it'll be hours before it can go anywhere.

"If you don't know, I'd better try harder." His fingers slip beneath her skirt and his mouth continues further down her neck.

"Barney, we can't. Not here."

"Why not? We're on a bed. That's more than we can say for at least half the places we've done it." He pulls back to look at her. "And _this_ bed actually belongs to one of us," he says, with a wink.

She looks at him warningly. "Ted can never know about that."

It hadn't been planned. Three days ago, Robin went into Ted's room to toss in another of his architecture books that seemed to be everywhere around the apartment nowadays with his class starting in just a couple weeks. Barney followed her and one thing lead to another. He can't deny, though, that there was something exhilarating and primal about making her come multiple times – making her say _his_ name – in the bed of her former lover. It was like it erased the past, like it never happened, like the only one she'd be remembering in that bed from now on was him.

He grinned, his hand continuing higher up her skirt to dangerous territory that was going to make it very hard for her to say no to him, which was exactly his plan.

"Barney," Robin protests, sitting up. "You know that I normally like – "

"Wild, crazy hot sex in inappropriate places." He sits up too, his mouth nuzzling just beneath her ear. "Outdoors, at work, half in public, with the thrill of getting caught at any moment."

Even just his words send a little bubble of excitement through her blood. "Yeah, sometimes," she admits. So what? So she has a little kink to her. He already knows that. "But not by your _mom_."

"My mom is sound asleep. She isn't gonna know." He reaches down and pulls her shirt up and over her head. She lets him but he can tell she's still holding back, so he sets his lips to her shoulder, kissing his way across her bare skin. "It's easy to forget with the sex god you now see before you," he says, his open mouth trailing down over her chest – and he was right; her hands are already fisted in his hair, "but I was a….." Barney pauses, whispering the next part like a dark, shameful secret. "….virgin….until twenty-three."

"I know. I remember when you tried to convince us all the plot of _Dirty Dancing_ was your first time," Robin smiles.

He lifts his head at her amused tone. "So I embellished a little."

"A little?"

"The point is, I was an unfortunately late bloomer. A little shy, a little socially awkward."

"Aww."

The last thing he wants when he's trying to get her to have sex with him is her pity, but it's actually kind of working for him because her arms are fully around him now, pulling him closer against her.

"But I was still your average teenage boy. And like any hormonal seventeen-year-old, I gained a lot of wrist dexterity in this room," he says, smiling at the memory. Robin makes a face but shakes her head fondly, so he continues. "And with the flair for storytelling I have, there were a slew of fantasies to go along with it."

"Like what?" she asks, her interest clearly piqued.

But it's hard for Barney to concentrate when she's down to just her bra, and he allows himself to finger the lace. "Having you in here, even completely clothed, would've blown my mind," he tells her, slowly slipping the straps down her arms, and he can see she's on the edge of giving in. "Come on, Robin," he coaxes, with that puppy dog look she just can't resist. "Do it for Teenage Barney, all alone, night after night, really needing to get laid."

"Alright, you win," Robin says, against her better judgment. "If this is a fantasy of yours, I'll make it happen."

With an amorous grin, Barney starts to reach for her but she surprises him by moving off the bed. Her eyes are on his as she unzips her skirt, letting it fall to the ground. Stepping out of it, she returns to him in only her underwear, skimpy lingerie she'd clearly chosen that morning with the sole thought of him taking it off at some point during the day.

"So how does this go?" Robin asks, slowing straddling him, just beyond contact. "Am I the aggressor? Do I slip through your window in the night and take advantage of you? Or am I the shy, inexperienced girl you've talked into messing around in your room while your mom's away?"

He groans as she finally lowers her body fully down against his. "The second one."

Her lips quirk into a smile, then she puts her hands down atop her thighs, her fingers nervously drumming against her skin. "I don't know, Barney," she says, adopting a more innocent, youthful voice that's close enough to Robin Sparkles it's almost it for him then and there. "I've never gone this far with a boy." She bites her lip, her eyes full of curious innocence. "What happens next?"

For a minute he just grins, because she's really committing to this and he knows it's going to be far better than anything he could've come up with as a teenager. The he jumps into the game.

"Don't be nervous, baby. I'm gonna take real good care of you," he says, his hands sliding up and around to unhook her bra with a practiced ease he never had at that age, but he's too eager to get her naked to care about authenticity. The black lace flutters to the floor and he nudges her hips closer. "I'm gonna make you feel so nice, Robin. You're never gonna want it to stop."

* * *

><p>Robin's leaning over Barney, moving with him, and he was right; she doesn't want it to ever stop. But she's afraid they're going to have to because whether it's his childhood room, or the role play, or the night spent apart, he's wild and completely unrestrained, making love to her with such enthusiasm she's about to cry out and shout his name and generally scream the roof off like the cheesiest porno but this, amazingly, is entirely real. Which would be fine at his place, but is not at all okay with his mom just down the hall.<p>

"Barney, Barney. This is _so _good. Ohh, this is too good."

"Yeah, it is," he grunts. A small moan escapes her, but it only encourages him.

"Barney, you've gotta….we can't – " Another longer moan comes out, and she purses her lips to stop herself. "You keep….that up….I can't – ahhh – I can't be quiet."

He smirks and does it again – this time he can't help but groan along with her because she's right; it _is_ so good – and he's only satisfied when Robin completely loses it, although at the height of it he's thoughtful enough to offer her his mouth as a kind of muffle.

Afterwards, Robin collapses on top of him, completely out of breath. "You were right….That was…..incredible. Completely amazing."

Barney's lips stretch into a satisfied grin. "It more than lived up to the dream."

She happily sighs as he softly strokes along her spine. "If living out adolescent fantasies is this good, I should take you back to my childhood home and we'll do this again for me."

"Mmm, the daddy issues most multiple there. Ordinarily I'd never set foot in Canada but, for that, I am so there."

Robin laughs. "Barney, for sex, I think you'd go anywhere."

He brushes her hair back, gently cupping her face. "For sex with you, yes I would."

She kisses him then, and it's soft and sweet and still filled with the afterglow. But, lingering just a moment longer, she starts to stir. "Come on, we've got to get up," she tells him, moving off of him, but he pulls her back to his side.

"Wait, I had another seventeen-year-old fantasy. In this one you're tied to the bed, naked and helpless, and I'm free to do with you as I will. Just give me five, ten minutes tops, and then we'll start." He looks around the room distractedly. "I know I have a handkerchief around her somewhere."

He tries to roll her underneath him but she holds firm. "Barney, no," she laughs. "It's been almost two hours. We have to go check on your mom."

"She's sleeping. We have time," he cajoles, his hands sliding over her body to sweeten the deal.

But, before Robin can respond, the distinctive sound of Loretta calling Barney's name travels through the closed door.

"See, I told you," Robin says, scrambling off the bed. She gets up and goes about the room, frantically gathering her scattered articles of clothing.

Barney just lies back on the bed, watching her avidly. "And this was another fantasy: a hot, naked chick walking around my bedroom."

"Idiot," she laughs, redressing as quickly as possible. "Here." She throws him his boxers while she slips back into her sandals. "I'll stall your mom. You get dressed."

* * *

><p>Five minutes later, Robin finds Barney's mom downstairs, sitting on the couch.<p>

"Um, Barney will be right down," Robin tells her. "He was just showing me his old room, all the stuff from when he was a kid. And he, ah, he spilled his drink. Yeah, so he's…cleaning that up. Did you need something?"

"No, I just thought you both might want to play a game of cards before it's time to go back," Loretta says, indicating the card deck sitting on the coffee table. "We have a five card draw tradition that goes years back."

"Um, okay. Sure," Robin agrees, picking up the deck and handing it to Loretta before sitting down on the couch beside her.

"So," Loretta begins, opening up the box and sliding the cards out into her hand, "how long has my son been giving you the business?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Barney. How long have you two been having sex?"

Robin gaped at her. "I – I don't…. we, um, we're friends. Remember? I'm one of the _friends_ he talks about on the phone."

Loretta smiled at that. "Robin, I haven't always been the person I am now. I've done some things. I've lived in this world." She gets a faraway look in her eyes as she goes on. "Once, out in an open field, I took part in a booze-fueled orgy beneath the star-filled Midwestern sky. There were men, women – all races and colors – living free and enjoying each other's bodies. There's nothing quite like the thrill of making love to a complete stranger while everyone's watching and the Grand Funk Railroad's playing "Some Kind of Wonderful" live on stage." Robin has no idea what to say to that, but Loretta shakes herself out of her reverie on her own. "Anyway, I know how these things are. I've lived them. And I know you're sleeping with my son."

"But – why would you think – "

"It's obvious," Loretta interrupts pleasantly. "Any fool could see it. Plus the walls are thin and you're rather loud, dear."

"Oh. _Oh_." Robin can feel her face heat and she pretty much just wants the earth to swallow her up.

"Don't be embarrassed. It's not your fault. It's the Stinson curse, I'm afraid. We're just that good. I once made a man howl – actually howl, like a wolf at the moon – and I wasn't even half trying."

Barney comes down the stairs then, immaculately suited up and somehow completely wrinkle-free despite the fact that neither of them was very careful how or where his clothes fell. "Mom, you've got some color back."

"Barney," Robin exclaims, jumping up from the couch. "Thank god you're back."

He gives her a funny look. "Of course I am. I was just still looking for that old magic set we've been trying to find." He turns to his mom. "Yep, that's what we've been doing. Couldn't find it, though."

Robin winces because they just gave two completely different excuses, but apparently the jig is up anyhow. "I'll go make your mom some tea," she offers. When he pouts at her, she adds, "And you too. I'll make us all some tea."

"There's a bottle of bourbon in the cupboard," Loretta suggests. "You might want to add some."

"That is a fantastic idea," Robin agrees, disappearing into the safety of the kitchen.

Oblivious, Barney sits down beside his mother, eyeing the poker deck, out and in her hands. "Oh, are we gonna play a little Five Card?"

"Yes, yes we are. As soon as you tell me more about your girlfriend."

"Robin? Robin's….not my girlfriend."

"Barney, I'm your mother. We talk almost every day. And you slip her name into the conversation more than I think you realize. I've been noticing that, oh, for months now. Truth is, back when I still thought you were married with a son, I was starting to get a little concerned." Barney opens his mouth to argue, but she adds, "And in all these years, other than that fake wife fiasco, you've never brought a woman home."

"It's not like I brought her here to – " Loretta gives him a level look. "Fine. We might be….involved. But she's not my girlfriend. Not exactly." Barney shakes his head. "Actually, I don't know what we are."

"Well I can certainly see why you like her. She's a pretty thing with a hot little body." Barney smiles at that. "And she's got life to her. The way you two were at lunch, I could tell this is real, this is good. She can go toe to toe with you, which is exactly what you need. She can give it back to you, in more ways than one – and quite well from the sounds of it."

"_Mommy_."

Loretta laughs lightly, patting her son's back. "You have sex with her under my roof, dear, and you open yourself up to my comments."

They hear the teakettle, sounding off and then stilling, alerting them to the fact that Robin will soon be returning.

"Just do me a favor, Mom. Don't say anything about this to Robin, okay?"

When Robin comes back into the room, carrying a tray with three cups of bourbon-laced tea, Barney and his mom are already at the dining room table with the deck of cards in the middle, ready to play.

Barney looks over, sees Robin in the doorway, and gets up to help her with the tea. When he comes close to take the tray, she whispers to him in warning, "Your mom heard us."

Barney smiles and whispers back, "I know."

"She told you? Oh god, she hates me, doesn't she? She thinks I'm a complete slut."

He chuckles. "No, she doesn't. It's okay," he says, touching her arm. "It's no big deal. My mom's a former flower child. She doesn't care. She's very open-minded."

"You have no idea."

* * *

><p>The fun of the poker game, significantly aided by the bourbon, helps Robin relax again. That and the little competition she has going with Barney.<p>

When Loretta left the room to use the bathroom, he proposed making the game a little more interesting by having their own private wager over it. Robin was game, creatively choosing her stakes: if Barney loses he has to sing 'Oh Canada' while standing on the bar at MacLaren's. Barney, being a fan of both gambling and sex, of course ups the ante when choosing his prize. If Robin loses, he wins the onetime opportunity to have sex with her anytime, anywhere – while they're out at brunch; in the middle of her show; while Ted's in the next room; in MacLaren's back alley; in the back of a cab while the driver may or may not be watching – it's all up to his choosing, which he can usually make happen anyway but this way he can have some fun with her, teasing the possibility of redeeming his option at the wildest of times, a prospect that will both embarrass her and turn her on.

It reminds him of the time at that GNB party last month. He and Robin snuck off together into one of the executive's empty offices. Robin was sitting at the chair, Barney kneeling in front of her, and clothing had already been removed when Lily walked into the room unexpectedly, forcing him to literally dive for cover under the desk. Luckily, Robin was still clothed from the waist up. It was one of the awesomest things he'd ever experienced in life, knowing Robin was trying her hardest to keep a straight face so that Lily didn't guess all he was doing to her beneath that desk. She scolded him afterwards but it was halfhearted at best; they both knew she loved it.

She gets off on being naughty in public, and he gets off on getting her off. So he figures if he wins, they both win – and he is absolutely not singing 'Oh Canada' anywhere, especially not in a place he ever intends on returning.

In the end, Robin gives him a good run for his money, but Barney is ultimately victorious. She had the better hand, but there may have been a little subconscious self-sabotage involved. After all, there's something incredibly freeing about acting wild and outrageous and shameless and being able to blame it all on Barney.

After they clean up the cards and the mess from the tea, it's time to go back into the city. Barney makes sure his mom is settled with everything she needs. He even offers to hire her a nurse, but she'll hear nothing of it. She really does look much better than when they first arrived, so he figures maybe some medicine, good food, good company, and a little sleep was all she needed.

While Barney's making his mom promise to look after herself and get plenty of rest, Robin calls for a ride back home. When she gets off the phone, Loretta turns to her and says, "Whatever he's won today, don't let him hold you to it."

Barney and Robin exchange a look.

"How did you know about that?" Robin asks.

Loretta smiles fondly over at Barney. "My son has a bit of gambling problem. We never play cards without some bet involved. But it really wasn't a far win," she explains, turning back to Robin. "You have a terrible tell. You giggle whenever you bluff."

"Yeah, Scherbatsky, what was up with that?" Barney asks. "I thought you worked on it. The last few times we all played one of Marshall's ridiculous games, you never – Wait a minute." His eyes sparkle with amusement as he looks over at her. "You threw the game, didn't you?"

She merely shrugs, smiling. "I'll guess you'll never know."

"You little minx," he grins.

Robin laughs. "I'll wait outside for the cab," she says, offering him a chance to say goodbye to his mother in private. She subtly skims her hand over his for a moment, her thumb softly rubbing a circle into his palm, before she leaves.

Barney smiles broadly, his eyes following her to the door. When she closes it behind her, he turns his attention back to Loretta, only to find her staring at him in awe. "What?" he asks.

"You're in love with her," she says.

"I, ah….." He fidgets, adjusting his suit coat, but his mom continues to stare him down until he finally gives up. "_Maybe_."

"Barney, you promised me if you found your someone special you wouldn't run away from it, that you'd try."

He lets out a heavy breath. "Okay. Yes. I am. A lot."

"She loves you too, you know."

"She does?"

Loretta nods, hear heart melting at the hopefulness in her son's voice. "I can see it in the way she looks at you. But she's stubborn. Like I was. She doesn't want to admit it, but it's there." Barney smiles. "Now go make her admit it. Bring me back a real daughter-in-law this time."

He blanches at that. "Whoa, whoa. I'm sorry, Mom, but…." He sighs, still not wanting to disappoint his mother. But she did say she'd always love him, no matter what. "I know this might be hard for you to hear, but I don't think I'll ever get married. Robin either. That's….we're just not good at the whole relationship/commitment thing." He shakes his head. "It's just not us."

Loretta laughs as if she knows better. "Never say never, Barney. Who knows? One day I might be dancing at your wedding."

Barney wants to argue with her further, to tell her how wrong she is, but she's been sick and she's just as stubborn as he is, so he lets it go.

* * *

><p>On the ride home, Barney turns to Robin, taking her hand. "Listen," he says, absently running his thumb over her knuckles, "I hope today wasn't too weird for you."<p>

"There were some definite elements of weirdness, yes." Loretta's revelation to her in the living room was one thing she didn't plan on telling him anytime soon. "But I did have fun."

"I'm glad." He pauses, looking back out the window but not letting go of her hand. "My mom really likes you."

Robin scoffs, not quite believing him. "After what we did?"

"I was the one who talked you into it," he points out.

"Yeah, but _I_ was the one she heard."

"You couldn't help it. I'm just that good." Barney gives her a wink accompanied by his signature whip cracking sound.

Robin laughs. "So your mom says."

"What?"

"Nothing." She loops her arm through his, snuggling closer. "You know, Young Barney, with the comic books and the dinosaurs and all the outer space stuff?"

"What about it?" he asks, bracing to get made fun of.

"It's actually pretty cute."

Barney smiles at her, full of open affection and unmasked happiness. "I think young girls who play hockey are pretty cute too." His face changes as he hears the words. "Wait, that didn't – "

"Yeah, you might not want to repeat that."

Barney laughs and so does she. "I just meant we both had a rough start but it made us the people we are now, so…."

"Absolutely. And since we're both so awesome now, that's all that matters."

"Right," he agrees. They lapse into a comfortable silence, holding onto each other in the darkness, until Barney asks, "You're not gonna tell Ted and Marshall about the sewing circle, are you?"

"No. No, I promise I won't," Robin laughs, kissing him. "But tonight we _will_ do your seventeen-year-old fantasy number two."

Barney's eyes go wide with pleasure. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."


	8. Definitions

**AN**: This is the second to last chapter of Barney and Robin's secret summer (the final chapter is more what I'd consider an extended epilogue so this is the last full length chapter) and it deals with the gang finding out about their secret affair as well as the beginning of the transition into being a real couple. As such it takes place in and around episode 5.01, "Definitions". Some scenes you will be familiar with from the show, some are my own creation, but it starts where 5.01 starts and ends where 5.01 ends.

Also there are subtle references to both Chapter 3 and episode 4.20 "Mosbius Designs".

* * *

><p><strong>Definitions<strong>

It's finally the Friday before Ted's classes begin, before he becomes a big time architecture professor, and to celebrate the occasion the gang meets up at MacLaren's to present Ted with a gift, an authentic Indiana Jones style fedora and the Dominator 8000, courtesy of Barney's 'whip guy'.

With the others distracted by Ted's gift and the prospect of going out into the alley to "whip stuff", Robin gives Barney a look, announcing she should get going because of her date tonight. He immediately jumps to fill in, asking if she's still seeing 'that guy' – who's just happened to become the best excuse for them over the past month. After making a few jokes about sleeping with other people for good measure, the two leave together and promptly go upstairs to the apartment.

The second the door closes behind them Barney's mouth is pressed to Robin's. "I missed you last night," he says between kisses. "Sorry I got caught up at work."

"It happens," she shrugs. "But I missed you too." And to prove it she slips him a little tongue as she kisses him before gently easing out of his arms to go sit on the couch.

"You missed me, hmm?"

"I did," she admits. "It was just me, all alone with a bottle of butterscotch ice cream topping." She shakes her head regretfully. "I had such plans for that bottle of butterscotch."

He gives her a look of pure sex that positively scorches her even across the room. "You didn't answer my text," he smirks.

"We've been over this. I'm not sexting you while you're in meetings with foreign dignitaries. I keep having these visions of your phone getting passed around the boardroom."

"Please," Barney scoffs. "Like I'd let anyone see it, especially with all the pictures you've sent me." He comes over to Robin, reaching for her again the moment he sits down beside her.

"How long do you think they'll be busy downstairs?" she asks him as he brushes her hair aside to nuzzle at her neck.

"This is Ted we're talking about. The guy loves to slap the whip, if you know what I'm saying."

Robin laughs at that one, but she's still somewhat worried over the wisdom of their plan. "Seriously, Barney, they can't be down there "whipping stuff" for more than an hour. You'll have to leave right afterwards, and even then I'll have to make up an excuse for why I'm home so early."

"Alright, let's do it here first – cause I can't wait – then we'll go back to my place," he says, already kissing her. "And, ah….we'll bring that bottle of butterscotch."

Robin grins, pleased at the thought of an immediate quickie followed by a long night of butterscotch and Barney.

In an instant they both slip out of their shoes and then they're making out in earnest. Soon he has her pressed back against the arm of the couch, his hand sliding up her thigh. He's about to pull her legs up onto the couch so he can roll the rest of the way on top of her and things can really start to get interesting when somewhere in the back of his fogged mind he hears a noise at the door.

Barney breaks away from kissing Robin to turn and look, and their faces both fall into utterly shocked expressions because all three of their friends are standing at the door, catching them red-handed. And, just like that, their four-month secret has been exposed.

Hollering a triumphant, "Woooo!", Lily barges over and crowds in next to them on the couch. After grabbing a beer to ice his injured face, Marshall and Ted follow, plopping down in the adjacent seats and it's hard to say which is more annoying, the scrutiny they're about to face or the fact that they were in the middle of something they'd both rather like to get back to.

It turns out it's the scrutiny. After strongly denying they're 'boyfriend and girlfriend', they're forced to endure a ten minute long lecture from Lily in which she insists they absolutely have to try and figure out what they mean to each other.

Barney turns to Robin with a look of exasperation because this is exactly what they've been dreading all this time. "Yeah, we knew you would say that. That's why we kept it a secret," she tells Lily, looking down in frustration.

"Well, that," Barney chimes in, a heated look on his face, "and the fact that elaborate lies really turn us on."

They're pressed in close together, which is always good, and they never did finish what they'd begun. In fact they were only just getting started – and right about now they both really want some more. Barney leans in toward Robin and she reaches for him, but Lily pulls them apart.

"No, no, no. _No_. You need to define the relationship," she tells them, to which Barney rolls his eyes. "You need to have 'the talk'."

"Or..." Barney interrupts. "Or…." And then he's lunging himself on Robin and they're kissing again, and even in a room full of people it feels so right.

When it becomes clear to Lily that Robin's not going to put an end to things either – she's clutching onto Barney just as tightly, flinging her thigh up over his – she tugs on Barney's shoulder and physically wrenches them apart. "Stop! Stop it, you two. What are you going to do with all of us here anyway? Are you really going to rip off your clothes and start going at it in front of us?"

Rather than be shamed by her accusation the two look at each other as if they're seriously contemplating it. "Eww, gross. Just….just…go to separate corners," she exclaims, the kindergarten teacher in her coming out.

"So, you guys are….you're having sex all the time?" Ted asks, speaking for the first time since they all walked in on them.

"Yeah, so what?" Robin says defensively. "We have sex."

"Psh. A lot of sex," Barney clarifies.

Robin nods. "A lot."

"A lot of great sex." They share a look that grows increasingly heated.

"No. _No_," Lily jumps in before they can start going at each other again, but they both manage to rein it in. For now.

"Seriously though," Barney tells them all, "we've had _a lot_ of sex just here alone, like on every surface of this apartment." He stands up, looking around. "We've done it here," he says, pointing to the couch. "There." He points to the bathroom. "There." He indicates the red armchair Ted's in. "The table." He smirks proudly. "For a minute we thought we broke it."

"Oh, come on! People eat on that," Ted protests.

"Twice on the kitchen counter," Barney continues unfazed. "In Robin's bedroom, of course – the bed, the floor, against every wall. Ooh, ooh," he says, crossing behind the couch. "And on – "

"Do not say my drafting table. _Please_ do not say my drafting table."

"Ted's drafting table!" Barney finishes with a flourish.

"Uhh," Ted moans, closing his eyes in disgust.

"Well, actually we were more sort of leaning against it. See, I was behind Robin, like this." Barney leans down to demonstrate. "And she was bent over the table, like this, and – "

"Stop!" Ted pleads. Then a thought suddenly hits him. "Oh my god." He turns to Robin with a look of dawning realization. "That night way back at the beginning of the summer when I caught you – you know. With the vibrator."

Marshall and Lily exchange a look, but Barney just grins knowingly.

"That wasn't a vibrator at all, was it? All that time, what I heard, it was – _Barney_ was….I mean, that was – wow, that's actually pretty impressive. What exactly was he –"

"Ted," Robin stops him. "I'm not talking to you about this."

"I'll tell him about it," Barney offers, sitting back down beside Robin. "She _really_ likes it when I – " Robin gives him a withering look and he immediately cuts off. "Okay, no I won't."

"Good, cause, no," Ted says, changing his mind. "No, I don't want to know, ever. Never. Don't _ever_ tell me." He shudders. "I've never heard a woman make those noises."

Barney snickers smugly. "I don't doubt it. You'll be hearing it a lot from now on though."

Ted sighs. "Whatever you two have got going, that's great. But I really don't want to walk in on it," he wined. "And I don't want to hear anything loud and….moan-y. Maybe we can come up with a system to – "

"So, wait," Robin interrupts. "You're saying if we were to get too loud…you'd yell at us? You'd burst in and try to stop us?"

Barney looks over at her, his eyebrow raised. When he sees the look in her eyes, his pulse jumps. "And there's no stopping us once we get started, is there, Robin?" he says, his hand snaking low around her waist.

"No," she answers breathlessly, leaning into him, about to pounce.

"Oh my god, you guys!" Marshall protests.

But then they're wildly kissing again and everyone seems to take that as their cue to get another beer from the fridge.

* * *

><p>Later that night, after Marshall and Lily have gone home and Ted's gone to bed, Barney stays over because now there's no reason for him not to. Robin shuts the bedroom door behind them and immediately slides into his arms.<p>

He presses his lips to hers and it's only a moment before they're kissing intensely. His hand is in her hair, the other one softly cupping her face while his thumb strokes over her jaw. It feels warm and sweet and lovely, and for a moment – just a moment – Robin wonders if there isn't something to this 'define the relationship' stuff Lily is spouting. Would it really be so bad to call Barney Stinson her boyfriend? Sure, his history with women is atrocious, but not with her. Barney is totally different with her. He makes her feel like a partner, not an object. He tells her she's beautiful and hot, sure, but he also frequently tells her she's smart and funny. He's always saying how awesome she is. He makes love to her until she literally passes out. Literally. And whenever she looks at him she feels a rush of happiness that starts in her chest and spreads from there until it fills her completely up with the feeling.

Okay, so she's in love with him. And the sex is fantastic, out of this world. And she kind of has the feeling that they're perfect for each other…..But he's allergic to the word 'girlfriend' – and as a matter of fact, so is she. So the self-preserving part of her wins out and she dismisses the thought, focusing instead on getting Barney's suit coat off.

His shirt will come next, her favorite part. She isn't sure quite what it was but she could stare at his chest all day. In fact, if she had her way, he would just go about his day completely in the nude. Of course their conversations wouldn't last very long that way, but they could always talk afterwards.

She nips at his lower lip, tugging it with her as she breaks the kiss, and he grunts softly in response. His hands drift down her back to settle low on her hips as she concentrates on freeing his tie from his collar, letting the silk float down through her fingers and onto the footstool with his jacket, the now customary spot for his clothing. "Tonight didn't go so badly," she tells him.

"Yeah," Barney agrees. "I mean, they're all on us about having 'the talk'." He shrugs.

"Which we knew they would be," Robin says, unbuttoning his collar. "But no one freaked out." She sets her open mouth to the now-exposed skin just beneath his throat and his hands move down to her bottom. Then she fast tracks it and goes straight to work on his pants, unfastening the belt in an instant.

"And now…." he begins, but her fingers slide along his zipper and he momentarily loses his train of thought. The next thing he knows, his pants are at his ankles. He steps out of them, bending to pick them up and lay them out across the rest of his clothes, guaranteeing a winkle-free morning. "Now we're free to have sex anytime, anywhere. No more hiding." He reaches for the hem of her shirt, pulls it up over her head, and sets it down on top of his suit.

"It'll be great," she says as he unbuttons her jeans and glides them down her body. "Just like it's always been."

Barney's hands reach out to caress the bare skin of her midriff and then his arms are around her, pulling her into a snug embrace. "Only now every night I get to come home with you and make you moan."

"Or I'll make _you_ moan," Robin retorts.

"We'll moan together. It's more fun that way." He kisses the top of her head, burying his nose in her hair and breathing her in, and he wonders for a second if maybe Lily has a point. It's not that he wants to define things, talk things to death, but he wants Robin. He wants to find himself by her side everyday and in her bed every night. And, really, he wouldn't mind calling her his, well, his anything – lover, significant other, girlfriend, _anything_ – as long as she's his. But then Robin kisses him, long and deep, thankfully robbing him of any further thought beyond how fast he can get her naked.

It's soon accomplished in record time, handcuffs and all. His teeth slide over her neck, his hands across her skin, and she does moan his name and arch up against him, making him groan deep in this throat. That's when they realize the condom box is empty. Barney doesn't even have a spare in his wallet, curtsey of the sex in Robin's dressing room yesterday morning on set.

"Ted," Robin breathlessly suggests, naked and stretched out across the bed like a feast awaiting a starving man, glowing with the anticipation of just that. "He's got to have some somewhere."

Barney shakes his head to get some blood back in it. "Right. Right. I'll go find them."

Five minutes later, he's searched all over Ted's bedroom with no luck so it's particularly fortuitous when the man himself wakes up with a start.

"Oh god. Barney, it was awful. I was teaching – "

"Shh. Ted, now's not a good time. Where do you keep your condoms?"

* * *

><p>The next day at MacLaren's, other than Lily's incessant harping on them having 'the talk', everything is great between Barney and Robin, even better than before because now they don't have to pretend in public. Everything could have stayed great too except that Brad just has to show up and invite Robin to a Canucks game.<p>

Barney can't imagine why he didn't see this coming. It's a miracle the issue hasn't come up in the past four months. Robin is beautiful. She's perfect. Of course other guys will want to go out with her.

Barney has an awful feeling in his gut somewhere between jealousy and nausea as he waits to see how Robin will respond. Brad is exactly the sort of guy Robin goes for, and Barney is inwardly terrified she'll simply say yes and take off with Brad here and now. But instead Robin gently yet repeatedly puts him off, for which Barney is endlessly relieved.

Until Brad opens his mouth and asks the dreaded question, "Why not? You have a boyfriend?"

Robin doesn't know how to respond. The truth is she doesn't want to go out with Brad, even to a Canucks game. She just wants to be with Barney, which is why she tried to nicely get out of it before, but now he's pinned her down with a question like this. And what is she supposed to say? They've spent all summer making such a big deal of the fact that they are indeed _not_ boyfriend and girlfriend.

She looks to Barney for some sort of help – for even the slightest sign – but he's silent, his eyebrows shooting up as he awaits her answer.

Neither one wants to be the first to admit how they're feeling so, backed into a corner, Robin has no choice but to answer 'no'…and to go to the Canucks game with Brad.

* * *

><p>The following night, Barney's depressed and anxious and jealous as hell while Robin's out with Brad, of the good looks and the perfect six pack she couldn't stop staring at. Meanwhile, he's stuck here, wasting away a perfectly fine Sunday night being lectured by Marshall – no doubt as a minion of Lily – on the importance of 'defining the relationship'.<p>

"Would you just have 'the talk', okay? It's a five-minute conversation and then you get to have _sex_ afterwards. It's great," Marshall insists. "Back me up, Ted."

Ted stops sorting his mail, pleased with any opportunity to impart his wisdom. "I don't think 'the talk' is necessary..." Marshall's shocked but Barney is thankful for someone finally speaking some sense, even if it is coming from a surprising source. "Because Robin is already his girlfriend!" Ted finishes.

"Whaaaaaaat!" Barney's surprised at the sudden turnaround until Ted uses one of his own rules against him.

Four years ago at MacLaren's, he had divulged to Ted the long-cherished system he'd devised. Simply put there are three basic rules to keep a girl from becoming a girlfriend, and as Ted goes down the list – don't let her take a shower at your place; don't _ever_ see her during the day; don't let her sleep over and never have breakfast with her, especially not brunch – Barney is hit with a sudden realization. Either there's something wrong with his rules, which is doubtful, or…..or…..

"I've done all three of those things with Robin. _Is_ she my girlfriend?" he wonders aloud.

If Barney's honest with himself, he's not so much scared of calling Robin his girlfriend as he is scared of messing it up. Shannon was his only real girlfriend and that was a total disaster. He's been living as a womanizing cad ever since then. What if he can't make Robin happy as her boyfriend? What if defining the relationship is a big mistake and ruins everything they have right now? That's why it seems so much better to just leave things alone. They're good together just as they are. Now that everyone knows and they don't have to keep it a secret or sneak around, now that they're free to spend the night together without elaborate excuses or slipping out in the middle of the night, he really can't imagine things possibly being any better than they are between them right now. So why mess with perfection?

Except the thought of Robin out tonight with Brad makes him want to smash a TV. They may not have to define anything, but he'll be damned if just sits around and lets another man touch her.

* * *

><p>Robin feels weird being out with Brad. From the moment she met him at MacLaren's earlier in the night, to the time they arrived at Madison Square Garden, until right this moment in the heart of the game, she feels weird and unsettled and strangely guilty, like it's not quite right, like somehow she's cheating on Barney even though she's just watching the Canucks play and it's not like he's even her boyfriend.<p>

Finally she can't take it anymore and she admits to Brad how weird she feels about it all. When he mistakenly assumes her feelings are about him and actually attempts to have 'the talk' with her – including a disturbing reference to how different his "stuff below the belt" is – Robin has no choice but to confess this is all about her and Barney.

"Well, we – we don't know _what_ we are," she admits. "I mean, my – my heart says 'leap into it'. My brain says 'it's – it's a bad idea'."

Oddly enough, Brad is a rather nice outlet to vent to. This isn't easy to talk about and she certainly has no one else she can go to. Lily will simply say she needs to have 'the talk' with Barney, and there's no way she's telling him any of this, not without hearing how he feels first. Besides, she doesn't even have it worked out for herself yet. Her mind and her heart are waging a battle – common sense and self-preservation versus love – and she isn't yet sure which one is going to win.

It's just her luck that in the midst of all this confusing talk and general awkwardness the New York Rangers Kiss Cam lands on her and Brad and the rowdy crowd immediately starts yelling and chanting, egging them on to, "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"

Robin's runs her hand through her hair nervously, not knowing quite what to do, until Brad suggests, "Okay, how bout this: if you kiss me and you feel bad about it, you're meant to be with Barney."

When she stands up to comply, Robin's shocked to feel a hand on her shoulder and even more shocked to see that hand belongs to Barney…and he's now punching Brad square in the face.

"Barney!" she cries in surprise.

She never wanted to kiss Brad. She was only doing it partially as a test but mainly for the cameras, and it's not like they were going to make out, just a simple little peck, certainly nothing for Barney to freak out over.

Still, Robin's impressed and flattered that he actually showed up here, at a hockey game of all places, and that he's willing to go to such lengths to stop her from kissing another man. It makes her wonder about the two of them and what he might feel for her. It makes her think maybe they actually _do_ have a hope of making something real and lasting between them.

* * *

><p>An hour later at MacLaren's, Lily voices what the rest of the group is thinking. "Okay, seriously. We're at the point of physical violence. Now will you please have 'the talk'?"<p>

Barney scoffs. "Because of that?"

Barney and Robin look at one another, each trying to gauge what the other is thinking.

"Come on, that's my thing," Barney continues. "I'm always punching guys, girls. I'll punch a baby. I don't care."

Lily looks to Robin to see if she agrees with this madness, but she merely nods along with Barney.

What Robin can't admit to any of them is that she thinks what Barney did tonight was both sweet and way hot. Like the night of the fight, only for real this time – and over _her_. He must really, truly care for her a lot to get that jealous. The knowledge makes her happy for so many reasons. She'd spent the whole night out with Brad feeling strange and guilty. It felt just plain wrong, and she was hit hard with the realization that the only man she ever wants to be out with is Barney. The only one she wants to be touched and kissed by is Barney. Now it feels so good to know that while she was out agonizing over him, he wasn't at home, indifferent.

Maybe they haven't had 'the talk' or defined the relationship, but whatever they're doing seems to be working. The gang can fuss at them and lecture them all they want. It doesn't matter. She likes their little world of Barney and Robin, and she's not going to let anyone ruin it for them. So when the others are distracted by getting another round, Robin confesses to Barney just how hot she found his behavior, and the two of them disappear upstairs before anyone can stop them.

* * *

><p>Late that night, after a particularly boisterous round of lovemaking, they're lying side by side in Robin's bed when her voice floats over to him in the darkness. "All of this about having 'the talk'….that's stupid…right? I mean, we're happy how we are. We know how we feel."<p>

"Yeah," Barney answers, turning to face her. "You're awesome. I once told you you're the second most awesome person, but really you're the first. Now that I know you even better, you're way more awesome than I am."

"And you, you're….Barney." It's hard for Robin to articulate everything that he is to her, everything he's become in her life. And so, turning over onto her side, her fingers gently rubbing over his chest, she settles for, "You're Barney. I've never met anyone like you. There _is_ no one like you. You're funny, passionate, challenging…." It doesn't escape her notice that she's just described Barney exactly as she once described her ideal man to Ted. "And you're more than a little crazy. You're just _Barney_. There aren't any other words for it, just….Barney."

"And…..that's a good thing?" he asks unsurely.

She smiles over at him. "Yes, it's a good thing. It's a great thing."

Barney quietly absorbs this new information and nods his approval. "You're awesome and I'm Barney."

"And together we're…" Robin's eyes light up at the perfect definition, proudly a word all his own. "….possimpible."

Barney grins. "_Yes!_" he declares, full of excitement that she's used his term. "We're possimpible. We're….we're Barnman and Robin."

She laughs and rolls over into him, settling against his warmth. "What more could we want?"

* * *

><p>The next day after waking up together like dozens of mornings before, Robin and Barney soon find out this one is very different because Lily has locked them in the bedroom and refuses to let them out until they have 'the talk'.<p>

At first it's upsetting to Barney because there is no way they're going to be railroaded into having 'the talk' of all things, but then it gets immensely better when Robin threatens to spend the entire day locked up together having sex. When Lily seems unfazed, Robin promptly makes good on her threat. Angry sex with Robin is fantastic, particularly when she isn't angry at him. That way he reaps all the benefits of her fervor with none of the punishment.

But once the sex is over, and now hours have gone by with no food or drink and no way out, it starts getting considerably less fun, all the more so when Marshall begins wafting in the smell of fresh bacon and pancakes. Barney's about to suggest they make a run for it via the fire escape – he's made far riskier retreats from women's bedrooms – when Robin demands they just "have the stupid talk".

He has no desire to fight with her too, so he finally just gives in and agrees, but neither one of them has any clue how to go about it. Clearly listening in, Lily conveniently slips a piece of paper under the door to help get them started.

Robin picks it up and reads it aloud: "Where do you see this relationship going?" They look at each other and laugh. "Oh my God. That sounds so cheesy."

"I know, right?" Barney laughs.

"Totally. But um..." She hesitates because it _is_ cheesy, but yet she really does want to know. "…..where – where _do _you see this relationship going?"

Barney shakes his head, answering her genuinely. "I don't know." Robin's face is carefully blank but he can tell that's not what she'd like to hear. This is the part he's been dreading because he knows he's going to mess things up – and he knows even just admitting that is going to make her upset. "I mean, it's not like I don't like you. I just haven't had a girlfriend for a _long_ time. I hope that doesn't make you mad."

Looking down at him, Robin is struck by how very much alike they are. Everything he's just said is exactly why she's been afraid to try for anything more with him. "Mad?" she smiles, her voice dripping with relief. "I feel the same way. I suck at relationships."

Barney looks away glumly and beats her at saying what he fears is about to come next. "Maybe we should go back to being just friends."

That's not what Robin wanted him to say, and it's certainly not what _she_ wants, but she nods. "Maybe."

Barney nods sadly, his gaze sliding away from her.

Robin looks down at the floor, at Barney's immaculate shoes and suited-up legs, and she knows she doesn't want things to end between them completely. So she tries for what she knows will work with him. "But, um...I don't want to stop having sex," she says suggestively, sitting down close beside him on the bed.

"_Oh, good_. Me, neither," Barney breathes, so obviously relieved.

Robins laughs. They turn to look at each other then and the attraction is evident. Barney starts to lean into her and….. "Yeah." She looks away to break the spell. "Friends isn't gonna work."

"Nope." She's so right. He was literally two seconds away from jumping her. But where does that leave them except right back where they were before they tried having 'the talk'? "God, we're not good at being friends. We're not good at being in a relationship. What are we good at?"

And that's when it hits Robin, something she should have thought of all along. "I know something we're good at."

Barney's flattered she wants more and he never can get enough of her either, but he's honestly feeling a little dehydrated from all morning long with nothing to drink – combined with the earlier sex they've already had – and as much as he wants her he isn't quite sure if he can live up to his normal level of performance right now. "I don't know. If we're gonna do it again I'm gonna need some Gatorade or some – "

"No," Robin interrupts and she can't help but smile because everything is sex with Barney. "No, not that. Lying. Think about it, we spent the whole summer lying about being just friends. Why not just keep lying?"

So they devise a brilliant plan to lie to Lily about being in a relationship and thus gain their freedom. It's all going so perfectly. Just like they knew she would, Lily's eating up every word.

"Really?" she asks excitedly through the door.

"Yeah. Really. We sat down. We had the talk. Barney's my boyfriend now."

"And Robin's my girlfriend," Barney chimes in, feeding Lily the cheesy lines they know she wants to hears. "I know it sounds nuts, but it feels good to say." Robin turns to Barney and they half-laugh at the deception.

Barney rolls his eyes at the silliness of it all and Robin turns back to the door to resume the spiel. "We're both afraid of commitment, but the fact is – " She's let a little of her own feelings slip in there, just like she did with the Mosbying back at the beginning of the summer. It surprises her and she turns to look at Barney. " – we also can't live without each other."

"And if the alternative is not being together," Barney continues, "then it's worth taking this risk…" He looks down at Robin then and he knows he means it. He means every word. It _is_ worth taking this risk with her.

He looks into her eyes, then fleetingly back at the door, but there's been a change in the mood and it's got him in its grip. This is for real now. He doesn't want to pretend anymore. As he holds her gaze with his, the slightest of smiles warms his lips and he tells her the absolute truth, no more holding back. "Cause..._she's awesome_."

Robin beams back at him, her voice filled with open adoration. "_He's_ awesome."

They smile at each other, completely lost in the moment they earlier mocked as so ridiculous and cheesy. Robin reaches out and takes hold of Barney's lapels, running her fingers down them. "He looks nice in a suit."

"She can handle her scotch." That's high praise coming from Barney, but it's the tone in which he says it that really gets her.

"He's my boyfriend." Robin smiles at him lovingly.

"And she's my _girlfriend_," Barney answers, smiling right back.

They've tried out the words now and they sound incredible. It may have started out as a game but what's happening right now in this moment is real and they both feel it. They look into each other's eyes, Robin still holding onto Barney's suit, and it's like magic between them. One of the two of them, possibly both, will inevitably pull the other into a kiss, but before it gets that far the moment is broken by the opening of the door.

Lily reaches out and brings Barney and Robin into a hug, and somewhere in the blurred lines between pretending and truth, between make-believe and reality, between denial and acceptance it just feels right to leave the apartment alone together as the official couple they now are.


	9. Brunch

Barney and Robin step out into the morning sunshine, laughing.

"She bought it," Robin says triumphantly.

"Hook, line, and sinker. We are good," Barney announces, and the two high five.

"Oh, totally," Robin agrees. They slap five a second time underhand, for good measure. "So, you wanna get some breakfast?"

Barney thinks about it, and even though he now knows full well it breaks the 'girlfriend rule', there isn't anything in the world he'd rather do right now then go to brunch with Robin.

"You know, brunch actually does sound kinda good."

"Hmm. Well, lead the way, sweetie pie," she tells him.

He makes a face at her. "Whoa! Flugelhorn."

"Yeah, that felt wrong," she admits and he chuckles.

Then Barney and Robin set off down the street together, laughing and talking as they go until Barney interrupts their chit-chat to playfully request, "Gimmie that hand." He reaches down for her hand and intertwines their fingers. She smiles over at him and they turn the corner, laughing and holding hands.

* * *

><p>Later they're sitting together at brunch, surrounded by dozens of sappy couples, and it's just the sort of setting that would have previously made Barney bolt in disgust. Scratch that, he never in a million years would have even made it to the restaurant because he would have climbed out the window to freedom the night before. But with Robin sitting across from him, fresh-faced and smiling as she happily sips her orange juice, Barney can't imagine what he ever found so wrong about such a moment.<p>

The waitress arrives then, bringing a jug of warm maple syrup for the table, and Robin's eyes light up. She immediately grabs the jug and begins drizzling a ridiculously abundant portion atop her stack of pancakes, making Barney laugh.

"You Canadians," he says, shaking his head fondly.

Robin ignores the affectionate little jib, instead handing him the pepper shaker she knows he's about to request for his eggs. He takes it from her, smiling at the routine they've established.

"You know what my favorite part of this morning was?" she asks him.

"I can tell you mine," he says suggestively, before biting into a strip of bacon. "Lily should lock us in the bedroom more often. I like the way you pass the time."

"That's not what I meant….although it was pretty good," she admits, and the two share a heated glance across the table. "No," she says, breaking the eye contact before they end up going at in the women's bathroom the way they did the last time they went to brunch together, "I meant the name you came up with for us, Barnman and Robin. I like it."

"So do I." He thinks on it a moment. "It can be our thing now. There could even be costumes involved." His eyes darken imagining it. "I see you in a black bra and black lace panties, with fishnets and a matching garter belt I'll remove with my teeth…..Oh!" he exclaims as sudden inspiration strikes and his face lights up with excitement. "That's what we should do for Halloween!"

"Ugh, please," Robin scoffs. "We've been over this every year. I _don't_ do Halloween, and I especially don't do matching outfits. I won't make a fool of myself that way for anyone. You know how I feel about dressing up in costumes," she says, rolling her eyes in disgust.

Barney's brow crinkles and he protests, "You dressed up for me just last week." He stops, his lips stretching into a wide grin. "God, you were such a slutty nurse. It was literally ever fantasy I ever had of you after the bus accident."

Robin smiles. "Yeah, that _was_ fun. But the only place for costumes is in the bedroom."

"We weren't always in the bedroom," he points out. "We started out on the couch. Then we did the whole sex swing rehabilitation thing – which was _way_ better than actual rehab. Then you 'helped' me shower…." His expression turns lustful, his eyes glazing over at the memory. "….and when you couldn't find a sponge you used your mouth instead cause you said your tongue can – "

"You know what I mean," she blushes. He's the only man who's ever made her blush.

It's not often that he sees it, but he loves her shy little smile and he matches it with a shameless one of his own. "It can, by the way. Mm, I love your tongue."

Their waitress was just walking up to their table at that moment, but hearing his comment she thinks better of it and turns on her heel, walking hurriedly away. "Barney," Robin admonishes him.

"So what? Let her hear." Barney doesn't care if the entire restaurant hears. He's far too happy to notice, but he thinks Robin's cute when she's embarrassed so he can't resist teasing her a little further. "Besides, you love my tongue too. It's a mutual admiration."

Robin laughs, shaking her head at how incorrigible he is – and how much she absolutely adores it.

She takes a bite of her pancakes and the flavors melt on her tongue he's just confessed to loving so much. It's easily the best maple syrup she's tasted this side of the U.S. border. "Ohh, this is amazing," she moans, and it reminds him enough of last night to make him forget food entirely. "Here," she says, looking up at him. "You have to try this."

She stabs some to give him a bite, bringing it across the table to him. It's only as his lips are closing over the fork tines that Robin realizes not only is she sharing her food, she's actually _feeding_ him. Just a few months ago the sight of anyone doing this would have made her wretch. She absolutely swore this would never be her…..but it isn't so bad. It wasn't even a thought really, just a reflex. With Barney it's not awkward or forced at all. It just feels natural, comfortable, like maybe she could get used to living this way. Maybe she could actually like it…..a lot.

Barney lets out a little sound of pleasure as he chews, snapping her out of her fog. "That _is_ good."

"See, I told you," Robin says proudly. "Canada isn't all bad. Some great things came out of Canada."

Barney smiles. "At least one amazing thing did," he tells her softly, and they both know he doesn't mean the syrup.

* * *

><p>By the time Barney and Robin are finished with brunch it's the early afternoon already and they're sure the others have gone downstairs to MacLaren's, so they decide to go join them.<p>

As they walk back, Barney's hand naturally finds Robin's again. His thumb runs softly over the side of her hand, rubbing lazy patterns into her skin, and everything just clicks into place for her. Something about all that's happened in the past twenty-four hours – Barney crashing the hockey game to stop her from kissing Brad; the night they spent together afterwards; being locked in the bedroom together the next morning, and all the lovely things they said to each other as a result – somehow gives Robin a rare moment of emotional courage, making her finally speak up and reach for something more.

"Barney," she says, stopping suddenly on the sidewalk, and he pauses too, turning to her curiously. "I know we're really good at lying. I know we fooled them all, but…" She tries to gauge his reaction but she's coming up blank. "….but – and I'm not saying I _want_ this," she adds to give herself an out afterwards should he be horrified or, worse yet, laugh in her face, "it's just….would it be so bad for real? I - I mean, would it – "

"I wasn't lying," he jumps in.

"What?" she asks, her mind reeling. She had been so focused on what she was saying, so nervous for his reaction, that she hadn't anticipated an interruption. But something in his voice makes her heart pick up, because this is the soft, sweet, _real_ Barney voice, the one he uses when what he's telling her is deeply, profoundly true; the one he uses when it really means something to him.

"The truth is, I wasn't lying, Robin." And his expression matches his voice, gentle and open and sincere – and even a little afraid, just like she is. "All the things I said about you, and the two of us being together…." He stops himself. There's so much he'd like to say, but he doesn't dare, so he leaves it at, "I wasn't lying."

Robin absorbs that, her eyes soft and shining. "Neither was I."

The corners of his mouth turn upward. "Then….I guess it's real. Isn't it?"

"Yeah," she nods, smiling. "Yeah, it is."

Barney reaches out then and pulls her into his arms. "So….I'm your boyfriend," he says.

He's grinning almost goofily but she doesn't mind because she's pretty sure her smile matches his perfectly. "And I'm your girlfriend." His blue eyes sparkle at the confirmation she's just given him, and the loving look is enough for her to get lost in forever.

Barney leans down and kisses her sweetly, once, twice, then again. It's on the fourth kiss that things start to really get serious and he has to force himself to break apart from her; they haven't yet stooped to sex in an alleyway – at least not in broad daylight.

Robin links her arm through his and they start walking again as calm as can be, as if they didn't just have the romantic breakthrough of a lifetime only eight feet back on the sidewalk.

They walk on a little ways in comfortable silence, but this time Barney is the one who abruptly stops. He turns to her, a look of mischief in his eyes, and asks, "Do you know what a girlfriend does?"

Robin crosses her arms over her chest and waits for some depraved sexual act, although she really can't think of anything they don't already do.

"Walks around naked," Barney finally answers. "In the shower, out of the shower, while we make dinner, while we eat dinner – Ooh! Maybe we could eat it off each other," he exclaims, excited at the possibilities.

Robin laughs. "So your place tonight then?"

Barney grins. "Yeah. Tell Ted you're staying at your boyfriend's place."

* * *

><p><strong>AN<strong>: So that concludes the journey to Barney and Robin becoming a (all too brief) couple by the start of Season 5.

I also threw in a little nod this chapter to further foreshadow (along with 1.06) the importance of Season 7's "The Slutty Pumpkin" returns and just how monumental it was that Robin not only dressed up for Halloween but she planned for the two of them to actually wear matching costumes.

So this story is done now but I still have a few more episodes to go yet on "Catching The Clock", which I'll likely continue next season because I've had so much fun doing an episode by episode breakdown (I especially like to add in little scenes in between). I'll also be doing a happy Barney/Robin multi-chapter story during the summer to tide me over while I wait for Season 8, so please keep your fingers crossed for a 7.24 B/R reunion because that would be extremely convenient – not to mention long overdue!


End file.
